Trick of the Light - Morning Sun

The sun comes in the window,

it makes the mirror glare.

Then bounces back across the room,

and warms me in my chair.

Spells

I go through spells-

My body screams and moans at times,

at other's  my heart yells-

there's pain in every cell.

I keep no secrets from you,

I go through spells.

I still have dreams-

In which I twist and writhe, until it seems 

that I must die, 

undoubtedly I have arrived at the Gates of Hell.

I can't deny, even to myself,

I go through spells.

But I have hopes-

That someday I'll arise, and when opening my eyes,

painless, blue and sunny skies will greet my days.

Though I say this with conviction, I know the lie I tell.

There's no escaping from it, 

I go through spells.

Thoughts on Turning 59

Today is my birthday. 59 years have passed since I made my entrance; almost in a cab as my parents did not own a car at the time; and it has been a wonderful ride ever since. But at 59 you start to look back and wonder about what you have accomplished in the time allotted, and hopefully you don’t find yourself falling too short of the intended mark.

I’m fairly content with my life. I would have liked to work for a few more years, but that just wasn't in the cards. So, when I add it all up, I’m pretty satisfied. Here are two poems; one by Hartley Coleridge, kin to Samuel Taylor Coleridge; and the other by yours truly. I believe I have posted them here before. But, since it’s my birthday; and my blog; I get to post them again if I want to.

The first speaks of regret at not having lived up to your own expectations. The other speaks of being content with what you have done, even if it falls short of what others expect of you. Naturally, I identify more with the latter, and is probably why I wrote it in the first place.

“Long Time a Child” by Hartley Coleridge  (1759)

Long time a child, and still a child, when years

Had painted manhood on my cheek, was I, -

For yet I lived like one not born to die;

A thriftless prodigal of smiles and tears,

No hope I needed, and I knew no fears.

But sleep, though sweet, is only sleep, and waking,

I waked to sleep no more, at once o'ertaking

The vanguard of my age, with all arrears

Of duty on my back. Nor child, nor man,

Nor youth, nor sage, I find my head is gray,

For I have lost the race I never ran:

A rathe December blights my lagging May;

And still I am a child, though I be old,

Time is my debtor for the years untold.

“Could’ve” by Robert Williams

I could’ve been much more than I am,

A King, or a Prince, not just a mere man.

But I spent my life doing just all that I could,

to get through the years doing not what I should.

And so in the finish, the questions I’ll ask;

Alone late at night in mirror’s mask;

Are “What if I weren't the man that I see?”, and

“Who would I be now – If I weren't me?”

Reflections at the Vance Hotel

This photo is an optical illusion. I took it the other day while Sue and I were driving through Statesville. We were coming down Route 115, headed south, when we stopped to look at the old Vance Hotel. It has been recently purchased by the City of Statesville, after sitting empty for several years, but I’m not sure what the plans are for its use. I have previously posted about this hotel, about 2 years ago, when they were selling various artifacts from the rooms. Sue and I purchased a vase which had graced the mantel in the Presidential Suite where Ronald Reagan had stayed during his visit in the 1980’s.

The picture was taken from outside, looking in, and the red building you see in the background is actually behind me. It’s the old Statesville City Hall, which now houses the Zoning and Planning Department for the city. I spent many a day in that gothic looking structure, pulling permits for different jobs in Iredell County. I have always loved the way it looked and thought that this was a perfect opportunity to get it in the same photo as the bird. I was surprised that it came out so well.

Here is a picture of that same building, taken simply by turning around, albeit from a slightly different angle.