67!

 

Looks like I hit 67!
Never thought I'd be this old.
But my mind still works, I still have my quirks,
And my body isn't cold!

I think I've been extended!
Might see another year.
And if thats true, I'll look for you,
here again next year!

Written just 2 weeks before leaving Hospice after spending the entire summer in the hospital. I was 89 pounds upon release. Within weeks I had gained 50 pounds. 

Discontent

This is the season of my discontent.

Lying in the cold, wondering where the summer went...

Was there not a spring? 

Has Autumn all been spent?

You'll have to grant me pardon now if I seem discontent.

This is the worst of times, when better times have gone,

deserting me and hurting me, leaving me alone.

Did I give offense?

Pray! Say! Tell! what I did so wrong,

to incur the wrath of colder times, when better times have gone?

Thoughts on Turning 59

Today is my birthday. 59 years have passed since I made my entrance; almost in a cab as my parents did not own a car at the time; and it has been a wonderful ride ever since. But at 59 you start to look back and wonder about what you have accomplished in the time allotted, and hopefully you don’t find yourself falling too short of the intended mark.

I’m fairly content with my life. I would have liked to work for a few more years, but that just wasn't in the cards. So, when I add it all up, I’m pretty satisfied. Here are two poems; one by Hartley Coleridge, kin to Samuel Taylor Coleridge; and the other by yours truly. I believe I have posted them here before. But, since it’s my birthday; and my blog; I get to post them again if I want to.

The first speaks of regret at not having lived up to your own expectations. The other speaks of being content with what you have done, even if it falls short of what others expect of you. Naturally, I identify more with the latter, and is probably why I wrote it in the first place.

“Long Time a Child” by Hartley Coleridge  (1759)

Long time a child, and still a child, when years

Had painted manhood on my cheek, was I, -

For yet I lived like one not born to die;

A thriftless prodigal of smiles and tears,

No hope I needed, and I knew no fears.

But sleep, though sweet, is only sleep, and waking,

I waked to sleep no more, at once o'ertaking

The vanguard of my age, with all arrears

Of duty on my back. Nor child, nor man,

Nor youth, nor sage, I find my head is gray,

For I have lost the race I never ran:

A rathe December blights my lagging May;

And still I am a child, though I be old,

Time is my debtor for the years untold.

“Could’ve” by Robert Williams

I could’ve been much more than I am,

A King, or a Prince, not just a mere man.

But I spent my life doing just all that I could,

to get through the years doing not what I should.

And so in the finish, the questions I’ll ask;

Alone late at night in mirror’s mask;

Are “What if I weren't the man that I see?”, and

“Who would I be now – If I weren't me?”

Metamucil and Me

A few weeks ago I had a routine colonoscopy and it about killed me. Last Saturday I took my first dose of Metamucil, a common over the counter supplement, on the advice of a specialist, with the same results. Once again, being treated by a specialist can be very risky if you suffer from a disorder which that specialist may be unfamiliar with. In essence, in these cases, you MUST be somewhat of your own doctor. This is not a short-coming on the part of the physicians; as they are treating so many people; but it is a responsibility of you, as the patient, to be somewhat aware of any special conditions which may affect your treatment in an adverse way. And, if that specialist seems unwilling to listen, then you need to seek treatment elsewhere.

A simple skin test, or a blood test, can determine whether or not this over the counter supplement is right for you or not. For millions of people it is perfectly suited, brining positive results. But, for the patient who may in some way be compromised in relation to their immune systems, this can be a very dangerous supplement; and in the case of myself; can even be life threatening, as I found out last weekend while out for the day with my long suffering (from being married to me) wife, Sue.

Metamucil works in much the same way as the prep containing PEG 3350 does for a colonoscopy, only less dramatic, but it has the addition of psyllium, which can be a real challenge to patients with COPD, as I am, and even for people with conditions as common as asthma. Again, although you would think that the doctor should ask you about any conditions which might be a problem, the specialist does not know you as well as your GP. For that reason I usually run everything by my doctor before using it. But in the case of this harmless looking supplement, I simply followed his advice.

There seems to be no acceptable alternative for either the preparation for the colonoscopy, or the accepted control of the bowels by use of Metamucil. Baby boomers beware; if you have any allergies at all; be sure to consult with your General Practitioner before following all of the advice of your “specialist”. After all, your GP knows you; and your medical history; better than a “specialist”, who is really just a stranger to your body and its particular quirks.

For more on this subject, here is a link to get you started;

http://www.livestrong.com/article/323450-the-link-between-psyllium-powder-allergies/

Reading for Fun - A Self Portrait

I began to read a new book the other day; I had just cracked the cover of the book which I intend to review next week; when I realized that I had no idea which book I had picked up, nor what the subject was about. I frequently have several books going at once, sort of a juggling act which I enjoy doing, but I always know which book I am reading. Apparently ,not this time. However, in  my defense I offer the following;

I had just turned to the first page of Chapter One; I read the Introductions, etc. later on, after I have gotten the flavor of the book, so as to avoid being steered in any direction other than that of the author’s own words within the narrative. This book begins with the line, “Fred Whalen learned to scam along the Mississippi, the river that divides America, at pool halls and revivals.” Great line; it  hooked me from the get-go, it has the elements of time and place, along with the personal type of pitch which appeals to me. In short; it made me want to read more; and I am in the process of doing just that. We'll have to wait and see if it can hold my interest against the other two I'm reading.

But, my greater point is this; I have finally reached the point I always dreamt about; I have become that absent minded, besieged by books, slightly confused type of old guy I always wanted to be. And, I actually understood Clint East Eastwood the other night. You got a problem with that?

"The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" with Judi Dench (2011)

This unusually captivating movie follows the adventures of 7 English people, all elderly, who go to India; and the dilapidated Marigold Hotel, located in Jaipur, India; some to discover themselves, and others to recapture the past. Their lives become one story, concerning aging, and the changes one must accept in everything, from thinking to doing. To that end, this story has an interesting perspective on the question of whether all things really do turn out all right in the end.

Tom Wilkinson plays a retired judge with a secret. He is gay, laboring all these decades under a burden of guilt stemming from a relationship he had with an Indian man when younger. He feels that he has ruined the other man’s life, and he has kept the whole event bottled up. When he dies in India, after meeting with the man and his family, he realizes the irony of his whole life, yet dies contented when he sees that the other man has not forgotten him, and has not suffered from the affair. He has even told his wife about his feelings, underscoring what the judge has missed out on his entire life; an honest relationship. His former lover scatters his ashes with his family, and the judge’s fellow travelers, in full attendance.

There is also the widowed woman, played by Julie Dench, who goes to India for financial purposes. When her husband passes away she is forced to leave England in order to live more cheaply. By obtaining a job in a call center, she is able to help others understand that the person on the other end of the phone is a real human being, not just a script to follow in order to close the deal.

The married couple; Douglas and Jean, played by Bill Nighy and Penelope Wilton; are both locked in a marriage clearly on the verge of collapse, and must come to terms with the end of their relationship. This part of the film is one that hits home for a lot of people. They are mismatched; he wants to live and explore life, while she is bitter and unhappy with the 40 years they have behind them. When she goes home without him, he is free to finally admit that the relationship never worked, and so he moves on; surprisingly with the widowed Judy Dench; with whom he has formed a close bond.

There is also the elderly woman who is a bigot, Muriel, played by Maggie Smith, who leaves for India in order to have a hip replaced cheaply. It is there that she discovers people are really all the same, regardless of class or color. When the chips are really down, she is the one who pulls it all together, having learned so much from what she has experienced.

One other woman, whose name I did not catch, plays a character who is closed off to almost everything, except finding a man to grow old with. Money is definitely an object with her. The question is will she change, learn to compromise, or continue to be whom she has always been?

The seventh person is a man, Norman Cousins, played by Ronald pickup, who is desperately trying to recapture his past romantic adventures. But, boorish as he may be, a chance encounter with a wealthy widow leads to a true romance, with the two meeting in the middle, blending their lives into one.

And, leading this whole story is the hotel’s owner, Sonny Kapoor, played by Dev Patel, the irrepressible son of a man who shares the vision of his deceased father to create a hotel in which older people can come to live out their last days; and dreams. His 2 brothers, and judgmental mother, almost scuttle the dream; but dreams die hard, and as he struggles against tradition in order to attain his vision; he has to come to terms with the judgments of others as he seeks his own center with the woman he loves, Sunaina, played with great charm by Tena Desae. But in his own words, “Everything will be all right in the end...and, if it's not all right, then it's not the end.” This film has a lot to say about living, and dying, as well as all of the things which we go through in between, and how they ultimately define who we are as individuals.

"Harry and Tonto" with Art Carney (1974)

In this 1974 film, Art Carney; universally known as Ed Norton on the TV sitcom “The Honeymooners” with Jackie Gleason; finally got to show off his dramatic skills, as well as win the 1974 Oscar for Best Actor. And with a script by Paul Mazursky and Josh Greenfield, this is one story that is timeless in its dealing with the subject of aging.

When Harry, a retired Professor who is widowed and lives alone, learns that he must vacate his Manhattan apartment; after decades of living there with his wife; he decides to stay. With only his cat Tonto for company, he remains in the building until forcibly evicted by the Police and his landlord. His apartment building is being torn down to make way for a parking garage.

With nowhere to go, he lives with his son Bert, played by Philip Burns, and his family for a bit, before deciding to head out for Chicago, by bus, where he has a daughter, Shirley, played by Ellen Burstyn, who is divorced and owns a bookstore.

Traveling by bus proves to be a non-starter, as Tonto will not use the rest room as a litter box, which forces Harry to buy a used car in order to continue their journey. Along the way he meets, and befriends Ginger, a 15 year old hitchhiker, played by Melanie Mayron. She has no plans, or destination, and becomes a companion for Harry and Tonto. Together, they arrive in Chicago to visit Shirley.

From Shirley’s they decide to take a side trip and see one of Harry’s old flames from 50 years ago, a woman named Jesse Stone, played with great tenderness by Geraldine Fitzgerald. When they arrive at her old home they discover that she is now in a nursing home, which they  decide to visit. As the journey progresses, they are joined by Harry’s grandson, Norman, played by Josh Mostel, and they continue on their quest to find Harry’s “place” in an ever changing world. 

Ultimately, he leaves Josh and Ginger to find their own lives, while he decides to visit his playboy son, Eddie, played by Larry Hagman, who lives in Los Angeles. Along the way Harry and Tonto  visit Las Vegas, where they encounter an old Indian Chief, played by Chief Dan George, as well as spend a night in jail.

A beautifully paced and nuanced film, with much to say about our changing roles in life as we age, gave Art Carney the chance to prove that he could hold his own against the other Oscar nominees that year, which included Al Pacino in “The Godfather”, Dustin Hoffman in “Lenny”, and even Jack Nicholson in “Chinatown.” If you have never seen this film before; or, have not seen it for some time; you really owe it to yourself to watch this very poignant tale which still holds true, almost 40 years after its release.  

The Girls are Back in Town.

As you can see, our two eldest granddaughters; Aliyah, 7 and Trinity, 5; have arrived from Texas with our son Shane, for a visit. They’ll be here for a few days and then they'll be off to Maryland for the Pensinger Family Reunion. Then it's back here for a few days before heading home.

Our daughter Sarah will be taking them to the National Whitewater Center here in Charlotte tomorrow. I think they’re going rock climbing…. And, of course, Sue and I have a few things planned with them as well. They're staying with us, so we get first dibs. It's really great to see them again.  Grandkids; if you haven't got any yet;  you should get some. They'll make you feel young again.

"Plundered"

I see the globe
I used to trod,
Standing,
In the corner of the room
And ponder.

The photograph of me
Legs askew,
Standing
On a ship’s deck long ago.
And wonder.

At myself today,
Seated.
In my later years.
All strength within me
plundered.

Today Is My Birthday - No Post Today

I'm 56 years young, or old, today. Ask me after 12 noon and I'll have a better assessment of it by then. It takes me a little longer to get started these days, but I believe some of the old spark is still alive inside of me.

I'm going to take the day off and lay around a bit... Skip making any profound judgements and just enjoy being 56. Truly, there were times when I never thought I'd make it this far!

So, as last year, from all of me to all of you, Happy Birthday! See you tomorrow, and thanks for stopping by. It means a lot to me that you do.

"To Dance With The White Dog" with Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy

This is an absolutely stunning film starring two of the world's greatest actors, Hume Cronyn and his real life,off screen wife, Academy Award Winner Jessica Tandy. The story takes place at the time of the couples 50th wedding anniversary in 1966 Wisconsin.

When Cara (Tandy) passes away, Sam (Cronyn) has a hard time adjusting to the over attention of his chidren, all grown and married with children of their own. He encounters a brillant white dog one morning, which only he seems to be able to see. This convinces his children that the old man is nuts. But gradually, the dog reveals itself to all. It accompanies Sam wherever he goes, even on a trip to his High School reunion in Madison, Wisconsin. During this journey Sam gets hopelessly lost and begins to relaize that he is losing his hold on the world. Comforted by this thought, he releases the white dog from it's obligations to him, promising that they will meet again. Obediently, the dog goes away, as quickly as it appeared.

Sam finds himself desperately ill and summons his children (amongst them Christine Baranski in a role cast against her usual type) and tells them the truth about the white dog. It was Cara, their mother, who had come back to look after him. The children, of course, don't believe him, but then again, maybe there is a reason that they should.

Outstanding performances by all, with special mention to Esther Rolle(of TV's "Diffent Strokes")as the maid, and Harley Cross as the grandson, Bobby. Mr. Cronyn and Ms. Tandy are, as usual, pure poetry in their demeanor and delivery. (Can you tell that I'm a fan?) And the outstanding photography actually captures Wisconsin in the fall adding to a rich and multi-layered production.

The story of a subject not often explored,the one of aging, and how it affects us all,is gracefully and poignantly examined in this screenplay by Susan Cooper as taken from the book by Terry Kay. It is really a film not to be missed.