Spells

I go through spells-

My body screams and moans at times,

at other's  my heart yells-

there's pain in every cell.

I keep no secrets from you,

I go through spells.

I still have dreams-

In which I twist and writhe, until it seems 

that I must die, 

undoubtedly I have arrived at the Gates of Hell.

I can't deny, even to myself,

I go through spells.

But I have hopes-

That someday I'll arise, and when opening my eyes,

painless, blue and sunny skies will greet my days.

Though I say this with conviction, I know the lie I tell.

There's no escaping from it, 

I go through spells.