For Phyllis Drivas

I watch as leaves fall from the trees
Like lives they fall til no one greives
And no one's left, and they all leave
life always ends this way.

Time goes by, both good and bad
Emotions pass, first joy, then sad
And when it ends we're sometimes glad
that no one's born to stay.

So why then do we take it hard,
when left here standing in the dark
Life seems empty, void and stark
and in our hearts we pray.

Reduced to only flesh and bone
We're all born to die alone
There's no reprieve from hard, cold stone
a void that's marked in grey.

From me and Sue. ❤

December 7, 2022

Waves; No Waivers

It comes in waves, but never wavers,
there is no cure, and no Life Savers.
Just ride it through, it never changes.
A one day break, occassionally savored.

My friends all help and pull me through,
and Sue does all that she can do,
to steer me past these mountainous ranges
of endless views, no changing flavors.

I parse the info which my way passes,
with pain so pure, yet still amasses.
But I hang on, no hope in sight,
I'll never go without a fight.

I know I'll lose, so there's no fright,
there is no wrong, there is no right.
I soldier on, my endless march,
my frailty mixed with ironed starch.

No rain can wither a suit of mail,
a knight in sunlight, in a hopeless jail,
therein which dwells an optimist
who never cries for what he's missed.

What sustains me, I do not know,
so, I'll remain to see the show.
And how it ends, thats the part,
which marks the man, and shows the heart.

And, when they bring the curtain down,
I'll not ask another round.
I've proved my point and shown my mettle,
there'll be no accounts for me to settle!

The Doctor Cried

The Doctor cried.

It meant so much 

that he could weep

when somebody died.

He could still feel 

something deep,

something unseen, silently

hurting him inside.

It meant so much to see him weep

because he really tried.

And for every life he could not save -

the Doctor cried.

Spells

I go through spells-

My body screams and moans at times,

at other's  my heart yells-

there's pain in every cell.

I keep no secrets from you,

I go through spells.

I still have dreams-

In which I twist and writhe, until it seems 

that I must die, 

undoubtedly I have arrived at the Gates of Hell.

I can't deny, even to myself,

I go through spells.

But I have hopes-

That someday I'll arise, and when opening my eyes,

painless, blue and sunny skies will greet my days.

Though I say this with conviction, I know the lie I tell.

There's no escaping from it, 

I go through spells.

Losing me.....

I'm not half as funny as I used to be,

"Just not quite me",

some might say.

But, I'm not twice as loony as I ought to be,

due to some things, you see

which came my way.

I just try and take it day by day,

and still have my say,

and often do.

The hardest part to do is to hang on to you,

and then ask you to

not slip away......

Old Slides #2 - Learning How to Fly (1957)

Most photos have a “back story” to them; where and when the photo was taken being the least important of the details. What happened just before the shutter clicked can be very revealing in some cases. And that’s what makes the photograph above, which is one of a series taken on Veteran’s day 1957, so unusual. There is none.

As I sift through the old family photos I can find very few where there is not something else that has just occurred which mars the memory a bit. Behind most of the smiling faces there was either a very recent scolding, argument or some other stupid and unnecessary problem. No one is really to blame for that; it’s just the dynamics of an ordinary family living and growing; together or apart.

But, let’s get back to this photograph which was taken over 57 years ago. This one is of me and my Dad. I’m the little guy holding the string. He’s the big guy showing me how to fly the kite. It was one of those big paper kites; bright red and with a tail made of rags. We were at Riis Park; for some reason we were always at Riis Park; winter or summer. I’m not complaining; I loved the place!

Riis Park was named after Jacob Riis, the famous campaigner for decent housing and social reform. His photographs of the Lower East Side at the turn of the 20^th Century are iconic. He championed airways in the tenements and windows in every room. It was only fitting that a bright, sunny, public beach be named for him.

Once again; back to this photograph. In the years after this was taken; remember I said that every picture has a “back story”? Well, this one really has more of a “front story”, as it was taken less than 2 years before my mother began a long illness, which permeated my entire childhood. I didn't really mind, I just always hoped that she would get better; but she never did.

So, this photo is one of the rare ones in which my Dad is smiling and really means it. Life was good. He had just been through the only job “layoff” he would ever know, and also had pneumonia, one of the only times I had ever seen him ill. The other time was when he gave up smoking in 1962 or ’63 after the Surgeon General’s first warning about cigarettes causing cancer. He didn't even wait until the warning was on the pack. He just stopped. And was very ill; throwing up and bedridden for several days. It was cold turkey, just like heroin withdrawal. He may have lapsed once or twice in the first few years after, but never went back to smoking full time again. Instead he discovered M&M’s.

We would go grocery shopping on Thursday nights when my mother wasn't in the hospital; and my Dad would buy a box of Peanut Chews, or a 1 pound bag of M&M's, which we would eat before getting home.When my Mom was in the hospital, either my brother or I would pick up what was necessary ourselves. We used a pull along type folding “shopping cart” to wheel the groceries home. My brother was not fond of this chore; I think he found it embarrassing for some reason; so I was usually the one “bringing home the bacon.”

So, this is a picture of my father before all the bad times began. It’s also part of a set of 14 photographs taken that day. My Dad’s teaching me how to fly a kite, a skill which I have passed on to my daughter and 2 of my granddaughters. And whenever I look at this photo I remember what it was like to have my parents and my brother, before all the bad times began.