July 4th, 1986

I'd been all around the world,
I'd done it several times.
But on the very night we met,
I knew that you were mine. ❤

Happy 38th Anniversary to my wife Sue. 

 

My Father's Army Wallet

My father was a towering figure to me when I was a small fry. My perception of him changed over the years as I grew older; circumstances and reality ultimately prevailing. But when I was about 5 years old this pigskin wallet; which my father carried for 3 years while serving out his time at Fort Dix during the Korean War waiting for a Hardship Discharge; was to me the epitome of manhood. It was kept in his dresser drawer. As far as I was concerned, if only I could be a grown man and have a wallet like that I would never want for anything else in the way of self-esteem. The wallet was always promised to me. It was to be mine “when I grew up.”

So, when my father passed away in December of 2001 I came into possession of this treasured and revered shrine. I received it by mail from my father’s second wife; he remarried after my mother’s death in 1984. She was a loving companion to him for 16 years until he passed away, and I appreciated the gesture honoring this age old pact concerning the wallet.

Some things never live up to the memories attached thereof; but not so with this wallet. Rather, it contained all that I had remembered; plus some unexpected surprises, all of which left me even more confused than I already was about my relationship with my father; which, to say the least, was strained. In fact we had not spoken for almost a decade before he died. We never made that transition and put the past behind us. Neither one of us was capable of taking the first step towards reconciliation, I suppose, but that’s the truth. And that lack of a reconciliation made this wallet even more important. It serves as the only real "link" to my father.

Now, holding the wallet in my hand for the first time in over 40 years; since 1969 give or take; I opened the shrine and relived the excitement of being a child again, looking into my father’s world. The problem was, now I was older than he was when he had promised the wallet to me. Maybe this was going to be anti-climactic as the wallet had been in his dresser drawer for decades since I’d last seen it. So, I thought,what could be new?

Apparently; along with all of the things I remembered as having been in the wallet; my father had been adding stuff to it since I’d seen it last. I remember the Reserve ID card; I now even have one myself; and the crucifix and the penny were always like Sacred Relics to me. The crucifix comes from the Shrine of the Little Flower in Oak Park, Michigan. It was a gift to my father from his older brother Roy, who had served in the Navy during the Second World War. He used to go around the country while on leave, visiting all of the Catholic Shrines. The penny; dated 1950, the year in which my parents were wed; is the one my Mom carried in her shoe on their wedding day. I know this story to be true because I used to hold it in my hand and ask her about it. I never got tired of hearing that story.  

There are other things in the wallet which I remember well; the draft status cards, which run from 5-A to 3-R. The first indicates that he was eligible to be called for Korea, while the second one shows he is no longer available. There were also a few things which my Dad had added to the wallet; things which I found puzzling; given the nature of our non-relationship.

The first was an old Buffalo nickel with his birth year on it; 1931. I’d sent that to him in 1981 for his 50^th birthday. At the time I was already out of the Navy and working for Military Sealift Command. We were so polarized that I never even stayed with my parents when in New York; about once or twice a year. Instead I stayed with my friends Mark and Lois in Belle Harbor. But yet I still sent the old man a birthday gift; one which he obviously treasured, though he never said a word to me about it. I had even wondered if he ever received it; but never asked. Finding that nickel was quite a surprise for me; did he keep it because I’d sent it? Or was it simply because it was a nickel? 

But the real showstopper was this letter; the contents of which were not extraordinary in any way; I had written many letters home which far outdid this one. It was one of the few not addressed to my Mom and maybe that’s why he kept it. I’ll never know. We hadn’t spoken to one another in a civil manner for years before we finally broke off contact altogether in the early 1990’s. The one exception was when he called to tell me that Nana; my grandmother; had passed away. He said he was calling out of obligation. I thanked him and we hung up. I never saw or spoke to him again after that.

Time is a funny thing. Sometimes we forgive; and maybe even forget. I don’t know whether or not I will ever reach that point in connection with my relationship to my father. It’s simply too complicated. Besides, he’s gone and the conversation would be kind of one sided. But I have to believe he must have liked something about me. Or else why would he have carried that letter?

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad

Today is the 62^nd Wedding Anniversary of my parents, Ruth and Bill Williams. The ceremony took place somewhere else, but the reception was held in Apartment 3-C of 3619 Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn, a red brick building on the northeast corner at Kings Highway. This was my Grandmother Marcus’ apartment. She and my Great-Grandfather, along with my Mother and my Uncle Walter had lived there since about 1932, shortly after her divorce from my Grandfather.

You could say that my Mom’s home was already a multi-cultural experience; and now my Irish Catholic Father was going to be added to this mix. But first, there was the Honeymoon, which was supposed to be in Pennsylvania in a rural setting with a cabin in the woods. They took a bus to get there, as neither one drove at the time, and even if they did, they had no car to drive.

When they arrived at their destination; I think it was New Hope; they were told that they had no reservations and there was no record of a deposit in their names. After an argument with the management; which almost got physical; they were “asked”, by the local constabulary, to get back on the next bus and go home. And that is how they came to spend their honeymoon at the St. Moritz Hotel in Manhattan; overlooking Central Park. This is something I’m sure they could not afford at the time. Coupled with the loss of their deposit in Pennsylvania, they were off to an inauspicious start financially.

Married for 34 years, until my mother’s untimely, but long expected, death from illness in 1984, they were a typical couple for their time. He worked, she didn’t. He drove, she tried. He was strong, but she was the real strength behind the throne. They played card games with their friends and had sleepovers at one another’s houses; kids included. You can say what you like about that lifestyle, but they were together until they were parted by her passing.

Along the way they fought, and there were even some times when she packed her bag and went downstairs to the lobby, waiting for him to come and beg her to come home. He always did, and so did she.

My relationship with my parents was always a complicated affair, but they showed me the value of true love. Be flexible, and love never dies. Happy Anniversary to you both, Mom and Dad.

Happy 26th, Sue

This is Sue, my wife. I have written about her here and also posted photos of her before now. But this is one of my favorites. It really captures the inner light of the woman I married; so different than myself. When I see only darkness, she sees only light. That's what makes this picture so special to me. And, with all the ups and downs of marriage, I do believe we would both do it all again. That's love...

Happy 26th, Sue. Love grows.

Happy Fourth of July!

And to the rest of my fellow Americans, have a safe and happy Fourth of July. A lot of thought went into the creation of our nation; let's not allow partisan bickering to tear it all down. And, wherever you are today, "let freedom ring!"

The Party

Sue and I had our Anniversary Party yesterday. Our daughter Sarah, along with our son in law, Mike, set up the backyard and made everything really beautiful for our special day. Mike worked on the yard set up, while Sarah did alot of cooking!

In addition to the usual platters of cold cuts and chicken tenders, there was an abundance of rice dishes, fruits and vegetables. And let's not forget the cake, also made by Sarah. The weather was dicey, with an overcast sky that finally gave way to a warm and muggy day. Setting up a couple of fans kept the flys down to a minimum, as well as providing a breeze under the canopy.

My favorite Aunt Gloria and Uncle Bob came from Florida, which was a real treat as I don't get to see them that often. This was only the 3rd time since our wedding that we have seen them! That's Sarah and Michael in the picture with them.

There was a mixture of friends, relatives and neighbors, numbering around 2 dozen. This was well short of the approximately 40 odd invitations sent out, but made for a more relaxed and less crowded time. Some of our old neighbors from our last house came and met some of our new neighbors. People exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses, and it was really nice to see some new friendships branching off from our own.

And no party would be complete without a few of my favorite librarians. This is Tammy, Sabine and Trish from the Mooresville Library. I was really glad they took the time to show up, they have become an important part of my life in the last few years. I truly believe that they should have a sign hanging over the library counter which reads, "The Psychiatrist Is In", similar to the one in the "Peanuts" comic strip. It was no surprise to me that they knew a couple of the other guests. They know everybody.

So it was a great day, culminating in the cutting of the cake. And when everyone had gone home, and all the trash had been taken out, we were able to reflect back a bit on the highs, and lows, of the last 25 years. At 57 years old, I'm not sure we'll ever hit a 50th Anniversary, but I have no complaints. Thanks everyone for making our day so special just by being here.

Rooftop Reviews - Society News

In an effort to remain current,we dispatched our correspondent, Stacey Redgrave, who happens to be my cousin and works cheaply, to London to cover the Royal Wedding. This postcard arrived yesterday. Notice the date and postmark. We will have to get all the details from her when she returns. The groom was an unemployed fellow by the name of William. Actually, I'm told that he is from a wealthy family. He married the elder Milligan daughter, Kate. We wish them all the best. Co-incidentally, these were the first names of my great-grandparents, William and Kate Williams. Meantime, on the local social scene, we have the following to report;

Our frog, has returned from his winter vacation home. It only took a couple of weeks, but he now comes willingly when called. He gained a bit of weight over the winter, but that's to be expected when you just lay about all day for several months. We're looking for a frog family, preferably in the area, with a young frog of their own, one who has not been in any significant trouble, to meet our frog. Who knows? They just might hit it off and make some beautiful frog music together.