Fridays at the Bank - Nostalgia

When life changes in increments it sometimes passes unnoticed until that one day when you look about and wonder what happened. That was my experience last Friday when I went to the bank and actually went inside to make a deposit. That, in itself, was unusual. I mean, who goes inside a bank anymore?

 The ATM and I have actually become so close over the years that I greet him/ her/ it with a hearty “Hello Machine!” whenever I visit. I do the same in the Self-Checkout line at the grocery. The grocery store machines have always spoken, while the ATM has been mum in a dignified way. But, recently, even my ATM has acquired a voice; which lends a whole new dimension to the relationship which is not unwelcome by me.

So, here I was inside the bank on a Friday afternoon around 3 o’clock and suddenly it struck me. Aside from the one teller, there was nobody there! And I mean there was not one single “customer” in the whole place! I’m 60 years old, so naturally I remember the days before “automatic deposit”, the means by which you are deprived of ever laying eyes upon your hard earned money. This is a process by which your pay has become somewhat akin to a rumor; the facts of which are heard, but the proof never actually seen.

As a man I found automatic deposit to go against the very grain of my natural “hunter gatherer” instincts; by which I was able to “bring home the bacon” each week in the form of the cash I had earned and lay it triumphantly before my wife. Those days are gone; and along with it a life which many women knew nothing about at the time. I’m talking about the world of “wife free” cash.

“Wife free” cash was a commodity which consisted of various means of converting assets; from grocery coupons to bonuses and even gas money; to unaccountable cash. It was somewhat like Nixon’s slush fund; available to be used at the sole discretion of the husband who was brave enough to procure it. And there were quite a few of us. Witness a fully packed bank on a Friday afternoon about 30 years ago.

Back then men never liked to wait in lines; we always tried to fob that off on our spouses. DMV, bill paying etc. were always relegated to the wives. We got away with it by letting them think we did this so that they could feel more secure about the bills being paid on time etc. And some of that was true. But it was all done in the name of credibility, while the reality was that it also masked our pursuit of “wife free” money; and nowhere was that pursuit more in evidence than on a Friday afternoon at the bank.

All the men in line had checks; some had more than one, the second being an “expense” check for re-imbursement of any money the employee had laid out during the previous week; some may have even had a bonus check which their wives knew nothing about; and still others may have kept a few bucks for gas which their bosses were actually paying them back for in that expense check.

There’s no real point to this post; other than to call your attention to a Friday ritual which has gone the way of all the other changes we sometimes call progress.

Senseless Squabbles about Egypt

Marriage is a series of negotiations. From the first kiss, right up to, and including the wedding vows; and even the venerated 50th Anniversary; married couples are forever swimming in an ocean of potential misunderstandings and strife. Take this latest episode between Sue and myself as an example. It was the most passionate argument we have had since the one about recycling a few years ago.

When I was a kid I always dreamt of going to Egypt to see the Pyramids and cross the desert on a camel after poling down the Nile on a raft. So, when I got older, I did. Sue also dreamt of this same tableau, but never got around to it, electing instead to get married and have kids; a decision she does not entirely regret; but the desire to make the journey remains unfulfilled. That brings us to the “meat” of the story.

I can’t travel very well anymore due to some physical problems; so I won’t be going to Egypt anytime soon. Sue has no such limitations and would like to go tomorrow, if possible. She has expressed this to me several times over the course of our marriage. And, there was even a time when I could have gone. But that time has passed me by, and regrettably, we will never be making that trip together.

Well, last week, Sue and I had a knockdown, drag out fight about making the trip; that is to say the argument was about her making the trip without me. I was angry that she was taking the trip and leaving me alone and in poor health. I even hurled the “whatever happened to better or worse” bomb at her. And she, for her part, nuked me as a “dreamkiller”. Harsh words on both sides.

Now, the worst part of having an argument as you get older is that it is physically draining. Even a simple verbal dispute can leave both parties exhausted and feeling ill. And, beyond that, it’s a fact that due to age limitations, most wife beaters are young; as are most women who kill their husbands. Let’s face it, things are simply just too much more demanding as we age.

Now, this argument was a loud one; entertaining the neighbors being a by-product of marital disagreements; and so we even had a few neighbors standing outside in the cold night air to get a better take on the issue at hand. Most; no doubt; are even expecting a postcard from the Sphinx sometime soon. But here’s the rub.

There isn’t going to be any trip to Egypt in the foreseeable future. It’s not that I’m a “dreamkiller”, and it’s not that Sue wants to forsake her marriage vows concerning “better or worse.” Simply put, we don’t have the extra cash to take the trip, making the entire argument specious; or to put it more simply; totally unnecessary. But, after 26 years of marriage, it’s very important to keep in practice.

Now, that’s my side of it, here’s a few words from Sue; my better half; concerning the above.

As Robert said, it’s draining to have these passionate fights anymore, especially unexpectedly out of the blue.  I was just coming down from upstairs, where I was working, to have lunch when the trip to Egypt that I've dreamt of taking since I was a child was suddenly thrust at me. I still haven’t figured out why or where this came from, I've only ever wistfully mentioned that maybe someday I could see the Pyramids, the Nile and ride the camels.  As much as I want to visit, going without him would be lonely and I would miss him. He has been there before and could tell me of all the changes and a history of the area and people.

So, Egypt has been a dream that most likely will remain unfulfilled, but other dreams have been filled, and overshadow this one many times over; such as falling in love, marrying, and raising children together, having mini vacations and road trips.  My dreams are far from over; some are fulfilled (love); and others are benched (Egypt); while some fall totally by the wayside (winning that last big Mega Lotto) and new ones are made – Should I dream that we no longer fight over nonsensical things? Hmm, fat chance that that one will happen.

Happy Birthday Sue!

This is one of my favorite pictures of my wife, Sue. It was taken by someone while on a field trip for a class on something about the environment in Chesapeake Bay. The photo captures her joy, as well as her interest in almost anything. It also shows her as the tower of strength which she is. I can’t imagine living my life without her.

Today is her birthday; and this is my very public way of letting her know how much I still love her. There isn’t a day that passes in which I wonder why she chose to spend her life with me. I’m just glad that she did. Happy Birthday Sue, I love you more with each passing year.

Happy 26th, Sue

This is Sue, my wife. I have written about her here and also posted photos of her before now. But this is one of my favorites. It really captures the inner light of the woman I married; so different than myself. When I see only darkness, she sees only light. That's what makes this picture so special to me. And, with all the ups and downs of marriage, I do believe we would both do it all again. That's love...

Happy 26th, Sue. Love grows.

Happy Fourth of July!

And to the rest of my fellow Americans, have a safe and happy Fourth of July. A lot of thought went into the creation of our nation; let's not allow partisan bickering to tear it all down. And, wherever you are today, "let freedom ring!"

Employee of the Month

My wife Sue was selected as the employee of the month for April. The photo above is of Sue, on the right, in Annapolis, Maryland last week. Working out of the house, and traveling as necessary, Sue underwrites yacht policies, something which she has done for over 20 years. Working from home takes a strong work ethic, especially when your husband is hanging around a good bit of the time. And when that husband is me, well, let's just say it takes a very patient person to remain focused and productive. Sue does a great job at both, while still being civilized to me! And did I mention that the Employee of the Month gets a gift card? Hmmm, I can smell dinner out already...

From: Christopher Pesce

Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2012 6:30 PM

To: MPG Mailgroup

Subject: Congratulations to Sue Williams!

Congratulations to Sue for being selected as our employee of the month for April! Sue has done a remarkable job of navigating the Chubb book roll to New Hampshire Ins. over the past 8 months and is now in the final stretch. She’s worked hard to get and keep our brokers onboard with the rollover and her following has proven strong as the loss of business has been very minimal. Additionally she’s taken on new relationships from the New Hampshire Insurance Company portfolio and has been very proactive about getting on the phone to court and welcome new brokers that our marketing efforts drum up, which is critical in the current market environment.

Keep up the great work Sue and thank you for all your hard work!

Christopher L. Pesce

President

Maritime Program Group

70 Essex Rd.

Westbrook, CT 06498