Private Parts in Public Places

This is a delicate subject, one which has sparked debate between various co-workers and I over the years past. I say “past” as I no longer have co-workers; being retired; but the subject of this particular debate applies in the private sector as well. I’m talking about washing your hands when using the bathroom. Don’t take me wrong; I am a firm believer in washing your hands; and mine as well; whenever either of us use the “facilities.” My point of contention is whether, or not, this said washing of the hands should take place before, or after, using the bathroom.

I look at it in this way; when I go to use the bathroom my hands have been all over God’s creation; touching things in stores, shaking hands with people; you name it, they’ve been doing it. And, while they have been so active, they have probably picked up a few germs along the way. So, that is why I wash my hands before I use the “facilities”, as opposed to after.

Think about it; while my hands have been involved in all the aforementioned activities, my private parts have been safely ensconced in a clean pair of underwear, right where I put them after taking a shower. So, in my mind, washing my hands before makes perfect sense. I wouldn’t want to inadvertently place public germs in my most private of places.

Would you believe that I have observed men who simply walk into a rest room; right after working on their car, or digging a ditch; just unzip and spray away? Only then, after sullying their “best friend” in such a manner, do they wash their hands. I have often wondered what was on their clean “private part” that needed to be scrubbed away with so much vigor before they go back to digging the ditch.

Realistically, I do like that there are signs for restaurant employees which instruct them to wash their hands before going back to the kitchen.  That seems to make sense. I mean, when you come right down to it,  your meat should never touch my meat;  in any way, at any time. Besides, I know where my meat’s been, but I haven’t got a clue about yours.

So, in summation, I think it would be best to wash both before and after. Take this missive in whatever light you prefer; mild satire, silliness, plain ribaldry, or just the ramblings of someone with nothing to say today. Either way, I’m glad to have finally gotten this off of my chest.