Friday, March 1, 2013

Banana Republic - Sequestered

Sequestration (n) – (def) A. …a legal writ authorizing a sheriff or commissioner to take into custody the property of a defendant who is in contempt until he complies with the orders of a court. B. a deposit whereby a neutral depository agrees to hold property in litigation and restore it to the party to whom it adjudged to belong.

Today is supposed to be the day when the clock stops and the government grinds to a halt. The dreaded day of Sequester has arrived. As of this writing; on Wednesday; I don’t believe that either side will let the hour pass without some meaningless type of bandage being applied; thus kicking the can further down the road without resolving anything. These are, after all, politicians, and as such, doing something meaningful would be just too risky. So, here are some solutions which immediately spring to mind- my mind being a veritable spring of ideas.

First option: The amount of the money equals the amount of the Bush Era tax cuts. In keeping with the Conservative view of what we need and what we don’t; I don’t need ‘em. Scrap ‘em and problem is solved.

Second option: The money in question was borrowed from China, and in accordance with Webster’s Ninth (sounds like a symphony- especially if you like words) a sequestering of the funds is when the money is held until it is determined to whom it rightfully belongs. Well, we borrowed it- so it’s China’s money. We are not using it- so just write them a check. This will reduce our National Debt by $85 billion dollars in one day, and  affect the stock market in a positive way as we flex our financial acumen, highlighting our ability to repay our debts. Then, on Saturday; while everyone is sleeping; just borrow the $85 billion back from China. They’ll have no problem lending it to us. Hell, we’re good customers.

I know that these ideas are just off the top of my head, and as such require further study. And, with the $85 billion we will be artificially saving by using either one of the above methods, we can create some high paying jobs to study the problem a little more. Until the next time.

By the way, if you recognize your Congressman, or Senator, in the picture above, I urge you to not waste your time in calling. You see, there’s no one home.

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