Wrecking the Car

I was on my way home about 5 PM today when I managed to smack the car in front of me - really hard, too. Aside from the obvious and fatal damage to my beloved Mitsubishi, the other guy was taken away in a neck brace and ambulance. The hospital will be calling later to fill me in on his condition. His name is Craig, but he was in no shape to exchange info beyond inquiring about my injuries. And I was equally concerned about his.

208,000 miles and I loved that car. It was just inspected 3 weeks ago and passed with flying colors. With a new set of tires, brand new catalytic converter, and a kick ass Boss stereo system, including a USB port, she will be missed.

But I did get to take home a little memento of the occasion - it seems that there is a big lump on my head and my right knee hurts. Aside from that, I'm fine. But, we're a one car family now.

Rainy Day Things

It's a chilly, rainy day here today. Better than the snow and ice gripping most of the nation right now. But this is where I am parked for the day, at the scarred and badly in need of refinishing, Dining Room table. It's one of the first things Sue and I ever bought together after we were married. Maybe that's why we've left it in it's current and battered state. I don't really know why, I just sat down to write this thing, so don't ask me where it's going, or for that matter, where it's coming from. As I said, it's a chilly, rainy day.

I suppose the table, like a good marriage, bears it's share of scars over the years, and it seems kind of vain to cover them up. That table is a reflection of almost 25 years of eating, doing homework, reading the paper and just about everything else that goes along with raising a family.

But today, the table of scars is mine alone. I will be spending most of the afternoon sitting there. I just started reading "Harlem" by Jonathan Gill, and I'll also be listening to music on my MP3 and those little Sony speakers. I might even try to make some guttural sounds of my own while I'm at it. What the hell, most of the neighbors are at work...

Looking Back? A Musing.

It's been a lazy kind of day, didn't get much of anything done. Watching the rain has made me a bit reflective and I find myself looking back. That's me on the left, 35 years ago, looking forward, I suppose. I never did see anything there, but I was looking.

Life is strange, with twists and turns that take you down paths you didn't expect to find, let alone wander down. And then suddenly it's too late to turn around and do it over. You can find a new path, or alter the way you navigate the one that you're on, but for the most part, at this point- you're committed.

I spent a good part of the day speaking with old friends. Really old friends. Talking to them helps me gauge my own life. I know that sounds mercenary or self serving, but I think we all do it to some degree. And I came out with mixed feelings.

I haven't missed anything I wanted to do. I've sailed far and wide on 4 oceans to 3 continents. I've tasted all the things that came my way and enjoyed what I liked best when I could. And settled for less when I had to.

But now I'm at rest and time is winding down. I used to feel like the Hartley Coleridge poem "Long Time A Child."

Long time a child, and still a child,when years,
Had painted manhood on my cheek, was I,
For yet I lived like one not born to die;
A thriftless prodigal of smiles and tears,
No hope I needed, and I knew no fears.

But sleep, though sweet, is only sleep, and waking,
I waked to sleep no more, at once o'ertaking
The vanguard of my age, with all arrears
Of duty on my back.

Nor child, nor man, Nor youth, nor sage,
I find my head is gray,
For I have lost the race I never ran
A rathe December blights my lagging May
And still I am a child, though I be old,
Time is the debtor for my years untold.

But now I'm more inclined to feel like Emily Dickinson's "I'm Nobody."

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Good there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

Strange - I started looking back and now I find myself looking forward like the young man in the picture. I'm searching for that "next thing." I'm sure there's an unexpected path here somewhere.... It's all so, well, a musing.