With the TSA under the spotlight recently I thought I’d
repost this parody of “A Night Before Christmas” which I first posted here in
2010 at Christmastime, with all apologies to C. Clement Moore. I don’t think there has ever been an agency
that has pissed off so many people in so short a time. I also don’t think they
have done anything to keep us safe. With that in mind, here’s the post;
A TSA Christmas- (with Apologies to C. Clement Moore)
'Twas the day before
Christmas, when Santa’s sleigh
Got pulled over and
grounded by the TSA.
They made such a
noise, and raised such a clatter,
Santa got out, and
said, "What's the matter?"
That's when they
cuffed him, and roughed him up too,
And the ways that
they touched him, some places turned blue!
Now, the sleigh was
loaded (and Santa as well,)
But when they asked,
“Where ya' going?”, he told them his tale.
“I’m going to houses,
loaded with toys,
To spread Christmas
Cheer to all girls and boys."
The TSA man then said
with a smile,
“You may think that
you’re going, but you’ll be awhile,
You see all these
gifts- so neatly packed?
Without your elves
here- you’ll have to unwrap
each little package,
and each little toy,
Or there won’t be a
Christmas for girls, or for boys.
Got Mrs. Claus with
you? We really don't care,
We'll strip her down
to her long underwear.
And if that doesn't
irk her, we'll go with Plan 2,
We'll make her get
rid of the underwear, too!
You see, we'll do all
that we must, and all that we can
To kick Christmas
season right in the can,
We’ll make you late,
and angry and mad,
But don’t say a word,
cause we can be bad.
We’ll take all the
toys, the dolls and the guns,
And won’t give them
back, not even a one.
See, if killing St.
Nick will keep us all free,
Then we’ll do what we
must to preserve liberty.
So, while doing our
best to keep all things right,
We’ll mess up your
Christmas, and then say Goodnight.
And when we’re
finished, with our new scanner toys,
We’ll sell the best
pictures to Hugh at Playboy.”
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