A Night at the Opera - Love American Style

Sue and I went to see an unnamed theater group tonight. They performed a play which shall remain untitled. It was horrible. It was 2 of the longest hours I have ever spent in the theater. During the intermission I was forced to seek "libation." This had some predictable results. It is only fair, at this point, to let Sue have her say and let you in on what it is like to be my wife of 24 years. That alone, baffles science. Here is her side, unedited;

The play tonight was a bit out of my comfort zone, aside from the subject matter, it reminded me a bit of the old Jerry Lewis movies, which isn’t my type of humor. It was performed well, the actors had the parts down and the play had a lot of thoughtful insights. But I could tell, even before the intermission, that Robert was struggling to stay awake, but I had no idea until after the break, the extent of his 'pain' with this play. We have seen a play,(and I only remember one) that was so bad, we left at intermission.

But this wasn’t a bad play, just a bit loud which it needed to be to portray the characters. The lights came on and it was intermission, we got up to stretch our legs and exit out to the lobby. I stood in line to buy a glass of wine and Robert headed out the door for some fresh air. The lobby lights were dimming as we found each other and got back into our seats. The first thing I noticed was that he ‘reeked’, eech! I quickly dug in my purse as the play began and found a piece of Dentyne and slipped it in his hand. He looked at me dumbfounded and slurred, "I smell?" This was just the beginning!! About ten minutes into the second act, his shoes were off and he was spread out every which way across the empty seats beside him, occasionally with a "huh", as he woke up out of his stupor and to sit up and than fall forward into his lap.

This was bad enough, a "Nick Nolte" scene to be sure, but then the floss came out and he started flossing his teeth - and not discreetly. I edged toward the end of my seat, away from him, but surely the audience behind ,beside and in front of us must have thought I picked up an inebriated homeless person. My vibes – and they were not good - were certainly sending messages his way and then a very loud scene in the play, almost sent him over the edge. Awaking out of semi-unconsciousness, I thought he was going to stand up and start screaming at the actors to "shut up."

Thankfully the scene and the play was coming to an end and we high-tailed it out of there quickly. No lingering this time though I’m sure that we were the topic of a few conversations on the way home. Note to self; after all these years together, if Robert asks at intermission if I want to leave – it means he does – so don’t hesitate – go and don’t look back!