It's Only Me -Chapter 24- Meeting Sue

I arrived back in New York and stayed briefly with Mark and Lois. I wanted to get back to school quickly and obtain my Third mates License. By October 8th, 1983 I was back in Baltimore, this time renting a one room “flat” on the corner of Eager and Calvert Street. This was still on the edge of the gay neighborhood and just 3 blocks North of Peabody Institute and the Washington Monument. With a kitchen alcove area and a main room for sitting and sleeping it was all I needed. It was also just a half story above street level.

I set about, as usual, in making friends with my neighbors. These included two girls who were studying Chamber Music at Peabody. Their names were Mary and Mary. So I called them M and M. On Sunday mornings around 11 AM they would come down to my place for brunch. I would make stuffed mushroom caps with crab meat and pour the wine while they played Cello and Violin for me. Not too bad a trade when you think about it.

I had been seeing a girl named Mari before I left and had bought her back a beautiful enameled 20 karat gold ring from Turkey. But things were kind of “not there” between us and so I found myself looking at a lonely birthday in Baltimore. And to make matters worse I was without weed and had stopped drinking. This was going to be a lot of fun….

Walking around and hoping to meet someone to celebrate with I started drifting toward the “bad” side of Eutaw Street and into the area where pot was sold openly. I asked around a bit but nobody wanted anything to do with me. I was in good shape, well fed and they decided I was a cop! So I finally went into my birthday spiel-“Hey it’s my birthday and I just got into town, don’t know anyone etc.” No one believed me and I finally had to show someone my ID with my birthday on it in order to get some grass!

School was good and I was making a lot of progress. I had to get my CPR certification and some other Red Cross stuff so I signed up for the classes at the local Red Cross. I forget what the exercise was but you had to pull someone around on a blanket. My partner was some Jewish girl who was about my age and had a ticking biological clock. You could actually hear her planning the wedding and everything. But that didn’t prevent me from asking her out and we saw each other a few times but “no spark” for me.

It was getting near to Halloween, which was at that time one of my favorite holidays. The parties and costumes all added up to some fun and I was looking forward to it. The Thursday night before Halloween a short chain of events began that would have a serious impact on my life.

I was walking by the old Greyhound Station on Howard and Monument Street when I noticed a woman being hounded by an older black guy. He was obviously following her and she was obviously uncomfortable with it. He was talking to her in a lecherous way and you could see her fear.

Crossing the street I walked up behind them both from an angle and slipping my arm into hers I smiled and said to her, “Sorry I’m late.” Fixing him with a glare I said, “Thanks for watching out for my girl, bro.” And then I walked her around the corner and out of sight.

Dropping her arm I apologized and she assured me there was no need to, as she needed the rescue. Her name was Mary and as we walked along a bit I let her know we should split up now as I could be part of a scam. She seemed pretty unconcerned but agreed. She also suggested that I meet her on Saturday night at an activist Church nearby that was hosting a Halloween Party. I agreed and we parted.

I decided to go to the party at the Church because I was kind of sick of the bar scene at the time. And the fact that Mary would be waiting for me was a definite enticement. The big question was what to go as. I finally decided to go as a Tom cat- you know- looking for a kitty. So I took a wire hangar and stretched it out to an acceptable length- then I added a grey scarf which I wound around the hangar/tail and topped that off with some swirls of masking tape. Attatching the wire hangar to my rear belt loop and adding some whiskers to my face with a blackened cork, I was off to the races.

The Church was one of those “activists” ones. By that I mean they were really not that religious- they were kind of a gathering spot for political activists touting such causes as El Salvador, Legal Defense Funds, Battered Women, and After School Care etc.

Mary was there waiting with some friends and the party was already started. There was a band playing and they had some really tacky disco lights going. The biggest surprise of the evening was when Mary and I were dancing and she started doing cartwheels and all sorts of splits to the music. Turned out she was a gymnast and I started thinking of all the fun we might be having later on utilizing her skills…

Her friends were a group of 6 really nice looking women- some doing post graduate work, some still working towards degrees and a couple of guys who were reading Law in prep for the Bar. A very interesting crowd…

Some slow dancing began and Mary and I enjoyed the closeness and we shared a first kiss. The night was progressing nicely when at about midnight Mary got ready to go. I was confused by this. She was leaving alone and passing me on to her friends. We agreed to call one another etc.

Around 1 AM the friends, none of whose names I recall, invited me to accompany them by van to another party at the Activists Lawyers League. This party was being held at the old Enoch Pratt Free Library on the corner of Kirk and Gorsuch Streets in East Baltimore. There were lawyers and aspiring lawyers everywhere. There was lots of liquor and music, too.

I set about dancing with the ladies who had brought me there. Then I started dancing with women who asked me. I was having a great time when I spotted a woman who was standing off by herself and looking like she was not having the best of times. So I approached her and asked for a dance. She turned me down, flat and cold. “No, thanks.” The Iron Curtain. So I went back to dancing with this one and that one. But it really bugged me that this one woman wouldn’t dance with me. So I asked again-same results. “No, thanks.”

After about the third time I’m thinking, “What’s her problem- it’s just a dance, not a commitment!” So I asked her again in a different way. “I’ve danced with every woman here tonight and you’re the only one that said no. Dance with me and I’ll leave you alone forever.” Reluctantly she began to dance- with me talking as we did. I was telling her that I had just got back from Turkey and Lebanon and when the music stopped we kept talking. Her name was Karen. As we were talking she told me, “I have 2 kids so if that’s a problem let me know.”

After a bit some friends of hers were going outside to smoke a joint and I readily agreed. We went and huddled at the bottom of the basement steps and smoked a few before heading back in. Karen had gone to the party at the urging of some neighbors and friends.

A little while later I felt a finger trace up my back and turning around I was looking at Karen who said, “My name’s in the book.” She gave me her address and left. It was about 3 AM. I left shortly afterward and passing a phone booth I looked her up. The address was incorrect and the name didn’t quite match. It said K. Sue Hart. Still I walked home in the frigid early morning air, warmed by the evening and the dancing.

The next day I called the number in the book, which was now changed, so I called the new number. Turned out to be the right one- her name was Karen Sue. She went by the name of Sue and used the name Karen as a way of confusing the jerks and would be stalkers. We talked for hours and then agreed to meet for Chinese food on Tuesday night. She would get a sitter. After explaining that I had no car she offered to pick me up at my apartment.

Tuesday arrived and the day seemed interminably long as I waited for the evening to arrive. I was waiting at my window when her car turned the corner of Calvert and Eager Street. She parked and rang my bell.

I opened the door and there she was- blond hair with green eyes. Looking shyly down she handed me a bunch of flowers! We left for dinner almost immediately and walked to Tony Cheng’s which was only 3 blocks away.

We had Peking duck and talked about ourselves. She was divorced with 2 boys, 8 and 6 years old. Their names were Keith and Shane. She was originally from Chambersburg, Pennsylvania and had left because of the small town atmosphere. They actually listed the divorces in the local newspaper. This kind of stigmatized the ladies in certain ways. Also the job market would be easier to crack in Baltimore so she moved down 2 years earlier and took a job at Social Security Headquarters. She had put a down payment on a small house nearby and began her life anew.

We went back to my place after dinner and talked a bit more. There really was no place to sit other than on the edge of my bed or at the tiny kitchen table. We chose the edge of the bed. It wasn’t long before I kissed her. We lay back on the bed and kissed again. Things were going well when she suddenly sat bolt upright and told me she had to go- the sitter was only staying until 10 PM and it was 9:30 now.

We made arrangements to meet on Saturday morning at her place to drive the kids to their Dad’s for the weekend. We spoke on the phone every day that week while waiting for Saturday to arrive. When it did I took a cab to her house and met the kids for the first time.

They were typical kids, running and shouting. They seemed uninterested in me, like I was just one of many passing through. We drove up to Chambersburg, dropped them off and then Sue showed me around her home town and introduced me to some friends. I got the feeling she was showing me off!

We were driving a borrowed car which belonged to a “friend” named Ben. He also worked at Social Security and I remember feeling uneasy about this “friend” and asked her straight out what this friendship incurred. If there was anything other than "friendship" going on then I needed to know. It was, in my opinion, only fair that we be honest with one another.

We arrived back in Baltimore that evening and I made my famous NY Strip Steak covered with Back Fin Lump Crabmeat and then topped with Muenster cheese. Dinner was about ready when Sue suggested we have dessert first…

It's Only Me- Chapter 25- Licensed

By February of 1984 I obtained my Third Officers License for any tons in any ocean. I went to New York for a week to finish up the Radar Certification before shipping out for what would be my last voyage. I would be working once again on the USNS Sirius.

It was hard to leave Baltimore as Sue and I had been enjoying our new relationship. We ate at Danny's, the best restaurant in Baltimore at the time. I wore ripped jeans and a tee shirt but the old couple that owned the place graciously seated us anyway. Our waiter was a bit odd, being drunk the whole time he served us. At one point he even sat down with us! A few days later we saw the ad in the paper looking for a new waiter at Danny's.

Just before I shipped out we saw "The King and I" with Yul Bryner. This was before his last tour a few years later when he was ill, so he was still in top form. We had 10th row center seats. It was truly wonderful.

But still, lurking in the background was the fact that Sue was engaged to this other guy named Ben. I had been aware of him since Sue and I spent our first weekend together and he lent her his car. Since that time they had become engaged. But we were still spending all our spare time together.

On the 2nd of March I flew to Alicante, Spain on what is known as the Costa del Sol. It was a peaceful little town and there was an historic aspect to my arrival as well. Franco,the Dictator, had died several years earlier and now Juan Carlos was King.

Due to the proximity of Spain to Morocco (the Straits of Gibraltar are less than 10 miles wide)there had always been a large amount of hashish and heroin available on the streets. This caused some problems for law enforcement and so Juan Carlos decriminilized the possession and use of these controlled substances. My arrival coincided with this change.

It was like a huge street party- everyone was smoking everywhere under the watchful eyes of the Federal Police, who at that time wore 3 cornered hats similar to the ones worn during our Revolutionary War. It lent a Sgt. Pepper aspect to the occasion.

We left Spain and worked the Med again for several months. The highlight of this trip was our stopover in England. We were to be at the Navy Yard in Portsmouth for 2 weeks. Ironically this was the original homeport of our ship. The United States had only purchased her 3 years earlier from Britian.

England was wonderful. It was early spring, April, and all the gardens were just blooming. The cottages and houses along the shore of Portsmouth were absolutley beautiful. There was a fish and chips place that stayed open until 2 in the morning and they made quite a bit of money serving all the hungry sailors returning from liberty after a night of drinking.

I arranged to take a trip to London by rail. To do this I had to switch watches with a couple of guys. Doing this would give me 4 days in London to walk about and see things.

The train trip was pretty cool- we had one of those compartments like you see in "A Hard Days Night" or "The Lady Vanishes." I was with a couple of other crew members and we were smoking some hash when an English fellow came in and sat down. We were stymied- surley he could smell that we had been smoking, and also he had to notice the cupped hands holding barely concealed pipes. Breaking the awkward silence I asked. "Do you mind if we smoke?" He replied that he did not mind. I asked again, "Well, we're smoking hashish- do you mind?" His reply was classic- "Young man-you will find that in Britian we don't care what you do as long as you do it quietly."

When we arrived in London I split from the group as they planned on roving the Pubs which didn't hold that much interest for me. I wanted to do my usual walk about town and see and hear and smell the place. So I did.

I took a room at the Savoy on the Strand which parallels the Thames. My first surprise was no shower in my room- just a bath! The other surprise was that everything closed by 1 AM. This was a shock as I had always heard about "Swinging London" and expected it to be different.

The walks about town were wonderful and I bought some gifts to bring home at the shops near the Strand. I also got my haircut. This was at the time of Punk Rock and green Mohawks. The woman who cut my hair asked me "What color will you be having then?" I replied, "Mousey brown" and so nothing needed to be done.

After 3 days I was ready to head back to Portsmouth. Due to my trading watches I would have the midwatch on the eve of our departure. This would turn into one of the most magical nights I would have for a long time.

Arriving back at Sirius I slept a bit, ate and then at midnight I took the watch on the Quarterdeck. In about 5 minutes the phone rang and I answered it, "USNS Sirius, Quarterdeck, Williams speaking, this is not a secure line, may I help you?"

A womans voice answered and asked what time the ship was leaving. I told her that I was not permitted to say. We bantered back and forth for a bit and long story short, we spoke for the entire 4 hours I was on watch. At 3:45 AM I was relieved but stayed on the phone a few minutes longer. The woman wanted to meet! Her husband was an engineer working in Saudi Arabia and she was lonely.

Now I had heard of this sort of thing before- women calling the ships and teasing a guy into taking a fruitless and expensive cab ride to nowhere, or to a place where you could be robbed. But I figured that I would chance it. We were due to leave at 8 AM and this would be my last chance to go ashore for another 2 weeks or so. So I went down the gangway and woke the cab driver at the gate to the Navy Yard and off we went into the English countryside. Tallyho!

I spoke with the driver and he agreed to wait a moment or two after dropping me off just in case this was all a hoax. I had figured all along that if it was I would still get to drive around a bit before sailing and maybe snag a quick English breakfast before heading back to the ship. Nothing ventured, nothing lost- or gained. When we arrived after about 20 minutes of driving I got out. As I did the door to the house opened and silhouetted in the doorway was a beautifully proportioned woman! (I only remark on this as she had told me on the phone that she was overweight.)We spoke for a moment at the door and she invited me in. I signalled the driver that it was okay to go.

We chatted a bit, she was a Chiropodist, and then I heard movement in another room and was a little bit worried. She sensed this and informed me that it was her son. Her son was about 17 and huge! So I decided we should go for a drive. She asked if I had seen the sunrise on the beach and I said I hadn't. So we went for a drive and sat in her little car on the beach and by the time the sun was coming up we were both very contented.

Looking at the time I grew frantic! I had no idea where we were in relation to the ship and knew that 8 AM was only a mere 30 minutes away! I explained this to her and she said not to worry as we left the beach and headed to the Navy Yard.

I was out of that car like a shot! Running through the gate and showing my ID I could already see that lines were being singled up and the ship being readied for departure. I got aboard just as they were preparing to raise the gangway and hurried to my post at the helm.

Phone lines were about to be disconnected when the phone rang. The Captain picked it up and listened a bit before saying, "I'm sorry Miss but Williams is at the helm." After a bit of silence he spoke into the phone again, "Yes M'aam, I'll be sure to tell him." Hanging up the phone he turned to me and said, "That is the first time in 30 years of sailing that I have ever had a woman call to say thanks! Now, Mind Your Helm!" Within minutes the tugs would have us in the channel and we were headed back out to sea and our return to the States.

After a 2 week working voyage we arrived in Norfolk and Sue came to visit. This would become a habit- she would fly down to Norfolk every few weeks and we would spend time together.

Around this time- May of 1984, my Mom began to deteriorate at a rapid pace. She had battled so many illnesses for so many years that she was now about 80 pounds. There was nothing further that could be done to prolong her life. It was, as they say, just a matter of time.

I was driving a cab at night in Norfolk, mostly as a way to kill time between watches aboard Sirius. I was sleeping very little and it showed. One night I was driving through Virginia Beach when I was pulled over for swerving. I was high and tired looking so the cop assumed I was stoned. I told him I always looked that way. When he saw my license he exclaimed, "You really do look like that!" He gave me a verbal warning.

At the beginning of June I went to visit my Mom in New York and we settled any remaining differences between us. There were not too many left. Over the years at sea I had called her from many of the ports in the places that she loved and during those conversations all our past differences were erased. 5 weeks after I saw her last I received a call via Police Radio in my cab that my Mom had died.

Getting home should have been easy. But it wasn't. I had a Captain who was a prick. He actually tried to stop me from going to the funeral without prior Red Cross authorization, which is usually asked only of Active Duty Military personnel. His remarks to me that "It's not my fault that your people bury so quickly" inflamed me!

I called Congressman Steve Solarz office, he represented my Congressional District and was a family friend. I had worked for his earlier campaigns for State Assembly. A call from his office to Military Sealift Command Atlantic got immediate results, as I knew it would. But I can't tell you how the Captain reacted to it- I was already on a plane to New York.

At home for the funeral I was comforted by the fact that my Mom had finally found peace. And now, with her death, I was expecting to find peace too.

It's Only Me- Chapter 26- Victory at Last

If peace was what I had hoped to find after my Mom’s passing I was mistaken. It would be almost another 2 years before I was able to resolve the problem of Sue’s fiancée. At one point I actually found her engagement ring, which she never wore around me, and hocked it. I used the money to take her out for dinner.

In September of 1984 I resigned my position with Military Sealift Command. I still remember the wording of my letter;

“In order to pursue a more meaningful lifestyle I hereby resign my position with Military Sealift Command. I do so without coercion and of my own volition.”

I bought a used Ford Pinto for $500 and headed to Baltimore where Sue had already rented me an apartment. With 2 small boys she did not want me moving in right away.The apartment was around the corner from Ben’s place and I spent a good bit of time driving by to see if she was over there.

By November I had enough and so I headed to New York. This was two fold- I would get away from the situation in Baltimore and fulfill the promise to my Mom that I would work for my Dad after she passed. Big mistake!

I took an apartment on the 5th floor of 1310 Avenue R where I had grown up. My Dad still lived on the 2nd floor in our old apartment. Each morning I would go down to his place and we would drive into Manhattan together.

My Dad’s business was Pollution Controls for incinerators. Back then all of the thousands of apartment buildings in New York City had incinerators in order to burn the trash. The resultant smoke was becoming unbearable. We would modify these incinerators by installing smoke “scrubbers” and a by-pass tunnel that would allow the trash to be burned by a gas fired burner. The smoke would then be channeled through the by-pass where a series of shower heads would dampen the smoke causing all the pollutants to fall down into an ash pan. The rest of the smoke, now clear, would go through the by-pass and up the chimney.

Most of our customers were the buildings along 5th Avenue along Central Park. We also had all of the buildings on the West side of the park, including the Dakota. The thing was arranged so that we did about $3,000 worth of work in 2 days to alter the system. We billed $20-30,000 per building. In order to get the contracts we had to go through the Super and the Co-op Boards.

These Supers were unlike the ones in Brooklyn who fixed things and kept the building in good repair. These guys were elected by the Co-op boards and together handed out the contracts for any work needed. Our system was to bribe the Board and the Supers. I was really taken aback by all of this- particularly as my dad was paying me lousy wages compared to what I had been earning aboard ship.

Whenever there was a mechanical failure the local Inspector would issue a summons and I would go to the EPA Court located across from the World Trade Center. At these hearings I would listen to the judge read the Violation and I would then hand him an envelope. Case dismissed.

Meantime I was still managing to see Sue about 3 or 4 times a week in Baltimore. I would go from work to my apartment, shower and change clothes and then make the 4 hour drive from Brooklyn to Sue’s place. I would often arrive at about 9 or 10 at night, stay until 2 and then head back home, arriving at about 6 AM. During this time I amassed a pile of speeding tickets that if placed end to end would stretch from Brooklyn to Sue’s house. I still have them all.

The only way I got through this without a License Suspension was by having 2 licenses. I had one in Virginia and another in Maryland. The whole trick to this was not to get a License in your home state- in my case New York. When I applied for a license I would check “No Previous Driving License.” At 30 years old this was hard to believe so they would send away to New York and ask for my record. It always came back as “No Previous Driving License.”

The only time I really had a problem was when I didn’t pay a ticket in let’s say Delaware and then get stopped again in that state. At times like these I would be made to follow the Trooper or Sheriff to the station where I would have to pay both the old fine and new one in cash before I was released. A few times I was caught with some pot but the officers only made me dump it out and rub it into the ground with my foot. For that I am still grateful.

By September of 1985 I had enough of both my Dad and the incessant driving back and forth to Baltimore. There was also a slight “sea change” in Baltimore and Sue was beginning to come around to the notion that I was not going away. So I packed up again and moved back to Baltimore- taking a furnished basement about 8 streets away from Sue’s. I used it 3 nights in as many months- but it made Sue feel better knowing that if things went bad between us I had a place to go. I just felt it was wasted money.

She was still working at Social Security in the same division as Ben. This was the last hurdle to overcome if we were to make it as a couple. By October I was living at Sue’s almost full time- I even had drawer space in the dresser! The kids couldn’t believe it! Not even Ben had been granted that privilege! So I was making progress.

One afternoon in October I was getting out of my brand new Nissan when Ben sprang out from behind the bushes! Using the heel of his hand he made an attempt to push my nose back into my skull. This would have been a death blow had I not been trained in the Navy to do this exact same thing. Seeing it coming I was able to pull back enough to minimize the blow.

Scooting across the front seat and out the passenger side I was able to put myself in a better position. Ben was 6 foot 2 and weighed at least 30 pounds more than I did. He also had about 2 inches more in reach. But I was not in the mood to “handicap” the odds of this thing that had been brewing for so long. I just got in there swinging, mostly at his head and face. He was tiring quickly but would not go down or even just away! He wanted me to hurt him so badly that he could run to Sue and say what a crazed and violent person I was.

When it became apparent that this stupid bastard wanted me to hurt him real badly I went to the other side of the car and got back in. This infuriated him and he went back to his car and got a tire iron to smash my windows. Again I was out of the car in a flash. Disarming him was easy but now we were back to me beating him about the head and face. Everytime I would stop he would charge! Finally I got back in the car and turned on the radio pretending to ignore him. He got in his car and rammed me! Then he sped away.

I made two calls- one to the Police, giving his name and address etc and one to Sue. The police took my report and then drove to his place where they issued him some citations. My attempt to file charges was unsuccessful due to the fact that only my hands were cut and bleeding while his face was a mess, making me the aggressor. I am not sure he had this in mind when he staged the initial assault, but that is the way it would’ve played out in court.

I remember thinking that we were finally done with him. But bad pennies keep turning up and he made one more attempt to screw things up for us. He called Sue and asked her to meet him for lunch to say “goodbye.” She went. I found out and was furious! It was now time for her to quit her job at Social Security or I was leaving. The situation had now grown so intense that it was likely someone (Ben) was going to get really hurt. Also, it was likely that someone (me) was going to end up in jail.

So in December of 1985 Sue quit her job and went to work for one of the private insurance companies as an Underwriter. It had taken 2 years and 3 months for this drama to play out and I was tired. I was also very happy.

I have often thought back to those days and wondered why I hung in there. I can only surmise that after being rejected by my parents for smoking pot, and later being rejected by Leslie for I don’t know what, I was not going to be rejected again. I knew that Sue was in love with me- but this guy was using her status as a single mom as a weapon against her- exploiting any insecurities that she might have had at the time.

So I had won, and it would take many years to overcome the humiliation of having to compete for Sue’s love. But it was worth it.

It's Only Me- Chapter 27- Kids and Jobs and Donuts

Sept 1985 found me back in Baltimore with an instant family. Sue had, as I have mentioned, 2 sons. Keith was 10 and Shane was going to be 8. They were typical kids, a bit starved for attention, but overall just average, hell raising, boys.

I really didn't have any problems with them. The hardest part was that they were very competitive for my attention and at first I was overwhelmed. I had just come from a lifestyle in which I was responsible solely for myself. Suddenly,I had to worry about homework, baths, getting breakfast etc.

Playing with them was also hard, I had been in the company of grown men for the last 10 years. Children were something I heard about but seldom had any interaction with. How do you handle it when you play ball with 2 boys and one of them has to win and one of them is going to cry? I had no clues....

So I forged ahead, doing the best I could. I only hope that in their memories I was not an ogre, but perhaps a stabilizing influence as well as a pain in the ass! There were fun times too, especially when I would take them somewhere one on one. We were getting to know one another and I was becoming less afraid of the responsibility.

At the same time that I was trying to adjust to this "instant father" stuff I was also trying to find some meaningful employment. My only forte at the time was mathematics and Navigation. I had no idea what to do, so I answered all ads.

To begin with I had no idea what "minimum wage" was. It had been awhile since I made $2.50 an hour in the paint factory. It was now 11 years later and the minimum wage was now only $3.35 per hour! So I started at a Royal Farms Convenience Store as a clerk, working nights and waiting for a better job to rear it's head. It took 5 days.

The donut delivery guy came every evening at 7PM and the donuts were fresh. They were made at Donut Delite on the site of the present day Camden Yard Stadium in Baltimore. We were horizontal to Babe Ruth's birthplace. Nearby was where the circus train unloaded the elephants each year and I would re-arrange my whole day to go and see them walk to the Arena.

Anyway, back to the donut guy. He was paying $5 an hour for a 6 hour day which beat what I was making in 8 hours. So I got hired on and assigned to a route that took me through 3 counties. It was at this job that I learned all the back roads of the adjacent counties. I had alot of freedom and all the donuts I could eat. It was 7 days a week with no holidays off.

Donnie Laws was the boss. He owned several routes and had vans for each one. They were specially fitted with racks for the donut trays to slide in and out easily. My job was to deliver the fresh donuts and remove the "day olds." Everything was done by Invoice, so we carried no cash.

Each day at 2 PM I would load up at Donut Delite and head out for my deliveries. Donnie was the type of guy who would think nothing of sending you out in a truck with no gas and a broken gas gauge. This was a constant source of irritation. That and the fact that he constantly referred to me as "that New York Jewboy" behind my back.

At the end of each day I would return the "day old" donuts to a trash bin located outside Donut Delite and across Martin Luther King Blvd. from the "projects." The kids who lived there had drug addicted parents and didn't get much in the way of treats. So each evening when I returned there was a crowd of kids waiting to ask for some of the "day olds." I would always give some away and throw the damaged ones in the trash bin. This bin would get picked up every two days and transported to the rail yard where it was shipped out to somewhere as "hog feed." When Donnie would catch me giving donuts away he would climb up on the dumpster and piss all over everything so that the kids would not get any treats. This was yet another sore point between us.

I was paid each Friday with a personal check- I was collecting Unemployment out of New York at the time. One Friday I was forwarned by another driver that Donnie was going to lay me off the following week on Wednesday. His brother in law needed the job. Then he was going to stiff me for the 3 days pay, knowing that I couldn't file a complaint due to the Unemployment issue. He was right about that, but there are other ways to skin a cat.

Taking his check over to his bank I cashed it. Getting back in the van I thought to myself, "How can I hurt this guy?" Inspiration came in a flash as I realized that I had about $1,500 worth of fresh donuts. And I was now also one day AHEAD in pay. Driving around in the city a bit I noticed that there were a lot of people sitting out on porches after the long winter had finally broken. It was now late April.

I pulled the truck up on a street that ran adjacent to North Avenue, in one of the poorer areas of the city. Stepping out into the early spring sun I shouted out, "Donuts, free donuts, fresh and warm!"

It was like a scene out of one of those jungle movies where the natives swamp the plane with arms outstretched for food. The trays were flying out faster than I could count and people were shoving bills in my hand, although I had not asked for any money!

Within minutes the van was stripped bare of donuts and I had to jump back in and race off. The rear doors were swinging wildly to shouts of, "Jack it up- get the wheels!"

I now had about $60 and 2 trays of donuts that I had stashed up front. I took these to Keiths Cub Scout Troop which was meeting nearby at the Harborplace that day. I was a hero to the kids as I handed out the donuts. I then parked the truck outside Donnies as usual, placing the keys in his mailbox and got in my car and drove home.

The next morning the phone rang and it was Donnie. He wanted to know where the donuts were. I feigned ignorance and then he let fly with what a donut stealing Jewboy I was and how he was gonna get me. I told him that I had no idea what he was talking about and not to call me anymore. I hung up, thinking that was the end of it. Sometimes you can be so wrong...

2 weeks later, on Mothers day, I was out front washing the car when a police car passed up and then down the street in front of our house. This was very unusual and should have clued me in, but it didn't.

Stepping out of the patrol car I was approached by an officer who asked me if I was "Bob" Williams. This should also have clued me in as everyone ashore called me Robert. But I answered yes and then was asked to step away from my vehicle. This guy was going to cuff me for something but I had no idea what! He explained that Donnie had filed a complaint and though the warrant was not in the officers possession he had the right to detain me while the warrant was delivered. I was able to talk him out of doing the handcuffs in front of the neighbors and kids and then got in the back of the car and was taken away. Around the corner he stopped and handcuffed me.

We arrived at the local county station house to await the warrant. I was placed in a common holding area which had 6 bunks and 7 inmates- my addition bought the total to 8. There was a phone, which I was not allowed to use, on the wall just outside of the cell. It was very strange being locked up but I knew that things would work out. It was really a question of how long I was going to be here. To make it worse, I was scheduled to start working on a horse farm in Elkridge the next morning at 8 AM. So I was a little worried about making it there on time. It was now 7 PM on Sunday.

I was the only white prisoner and thinking of the movie "Hard Times" with Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor. Particularly the "I'm bad" scene. Just then the biggest black guy in there comes up to me and asks, "What'd you do?" I replied that I had stolen some donuts. This produced some laughter and a scornful "We got us a creampuff motherfucker!" There were now some suggestions being tossed about concerning what could be done with a creampuff when the oldest guy in there, who had been snoozing on heroin, came to life. He explained that "The white boy ain't no fool- them donuts be worth duckies!" Then he went back to sleeep.

The dynamics immediatley changed with everyone wanting to know how the donut thing worked and could they get in on it? I explained that Donnie went to the Royal Farms store on Security Blvd and Forest Park Drive every night at 7 PM. I also added that he carried alot of cash. You can imagine my joy when 3 weeks later Donnie was beaten and robbed at that location by a "big black guy."

Now that we were all friends they showed me how to use the phone. I had been calling out "Guard, Guard" and alternating that with "Officer, Officer" to no avail. The big black guy started to laugh and said, "Man, you new to this- you gotta do this to get the phone." He took his shoe of and started beating it against the wall while shouting "MOTHERFUCKER!!!" loudly over and over. This bought several guards. My new friend told the guard that "Whitebread needs to use the phone." The receiver was passed through the bars to me and the guard dialed O for Operator, instructing me to leave the receiver dangling when I was through. Prison Etiquette 101.

I called Sue, who was very upset, and explained that I would undoubtedly be late that night so don't wait up. I would call her when I knew something.

Shortly after this call the Warrant arrived and I was transported, again in handcuffs, to a Paddy Wagon and driven down to Baltimore City and the Southwest Precint. This was a very old jail on Ostend Street which has since been razed. I was placed in a private cell next door to the only other prisoner that day- a drunk who had been urinating in public- at Harborplace on Mothers Day- in full view of everyone there. He had been arrested by a female officer and was highly intoxicated and pissed off. So it was going to be a lonely night.

Around 1 AM on Monday morning I heard the cell block gate open and someone was at the cell next to mine asking the drunk some questions. He began by introducing himself as the "Pretrial Release Officer." I could tell by his voice that he was black and educated. He began asking the other prisoner questions, like his name and contact info. For every question asked he received a scathing racist reply. For instance, to the question "What is your address?" he replied, "I ain't telling nothing to no nigger so he can go to my house and rob it." The Pretrail Release Officer went from question to question without pause and never reacted to the abuse being heaped upon him.

When he came to my cell I was on my feet at attention and answered everything with a "Yes,sir." This really surprised him and he started to leaf through my charging documents. He looked at me and asked for some contact info. I gave him Sue's number and address and told him he could also call Military Sealift Command in Bayonne, New Jersey to verify my identity. Although I was no longer an employee my security clearance was valid for 2 more years and I figured it couldn't hurt. He was impressed with my bearing as well as my response. He told me that the warrant should never have been issued as it didn't satisfy the who, what, when, where and why required by the law. He could not dismiss the Warrant but could get me out without bail if my responses were all correct and could be verified at this hour. He left promising to return shortly.

About an hour later he came back with a guard and my cell was unlocked. I was taken to the Magistrates Office where I was told that I had been unjustly confined but that I still needed to go to trial. Advising me to seek counsel I was then released at 3 AM.

I got a cab home and woke Sue up so we could pay the driver. I got a few hours sleep before getting up and beginning my new job at Mr. Perry's horse farm. I would be making $7 an hour.

Mr. Perry was 83 years old and married to a woman 15 years his juinor. They had met one day in 1934 when Mr. Perry saw her crying at a bus stop. He approached her and told her that there was nothing in this world that couldn't be fixed. She explained that she was pregnant and unmarried. He married her and raised the kid!

A little background on Mr. Perry is in order here. He arrived in Baltimore in 1917 at the age of 15 years old. He got a job as a Conductor on the trolley and then started the Baltimore branch of the Transit Workers Union. He became President of the Union during the 1930's and never looked back. He was an evangelical Christain with great respect for the Jews. We spent many hours talking politics and religion while I worked hoeing his 1/4 acre vegetable garden with a short handled hoe while he sat in the shade wearing a Panama hat. I also took care of feeding and watering the horses that were stabled on his property.

Mr. Perry had bought the farm in 1964 as a buffer against Route 95 on his West side and the Airport on his Southern side and Baltimore City 4 miles to the North. He was way ahead of his time concerning ecology. He was also a pain in the ass. He would start yelling at me just like my Dad had- telling me, "Use the other hand!" At times like these I would stand close to him and let my foot fall softly on the tube for his oxygen tank. He would get shortwinded and quiet down, or else panic and send me for a spare tank. Either way- things got quieter.

It was an idyllic job and Mr. Perry was one of those people you meet that you love and hate at the same time. He gave me a $1 raise within 2 weeks, remarking that for a city boy I was the best worker he ever met. His only complaint was that I "didn't know a weed from a rosebush." I still have trouble with that.

The donut trial came up 30 days after my release and so I took the day off from Mr. Perry's to face the music in court. I was charged with Grand Larceny so this was serious. I had gotten a Public Defender but we had totally opposite opinions on how to deal with the charges. He wanted a jury trial- I wanted the Judge to decide right then and there on my guilt or innocence. In my opinion it would've have been disastrous for a Jury to have enough time to ponder any future evidence against me, while the Judge would be under pressure to arrive at a decision with the little evidence currently at hand.

The trial began and the Judge was a mean woman who apparently knew Donnie, so she was ready to throw the book at me. Donnie had not expected that I would forgo the Jury Trial so all he had was the Warrant which did not satisfy all the criteria necessary to have been issued in the first place.

We arrived at a point where the Judge said that "you would admit that you have stolen a days pay from Mr. Laws?" I replied that I had and reaching for my wallet offered to pay him the $30 in question. The Judge then screamed at me- "What did you do with the donuts?" My lawyer said not to answer but I did- I said, "I don't know what happened to them. You have to tell me." She yelled some more about the lack of definitive evidence and found me Not Guilty "against her better judgement." And so I was free.

Sue and I were now 3 weeks away from our wedding date of July 4th,1986. We had also just found out that we were expecting a baby!

It's Only Me- Chapter 28- The Wedding and Mexico

On June 11th, 1986, with the Donut Trial safely behind me, Sue and I went to the Courthouse in Baltimore and took out a marriage license. We had already announced our engagement and the wedding invitations were mailed out as well. We set the date for July 4th at the Lutheran Church on Briarwood Rd. Sue was a member of that church and I had agreed that any children born of our Union would be raised Christian. Pastor Turley gave us some instruction on co-parenting when it involves stepchildren. He was a pipe smoking Pastor and a big man with a gentle heart.

Becoming a parent to Keith and Shane was a bit unsettling. I had no job at this point and no clear direction that I was headed in, so I was a bit scared. Storms at sea, piece of cake- But becoming an instant father with financial responsibility was going to be a hard one to swallow.

During the months before the wedding when we were living together several episodes had occurred that left me wondering whether I was up to the task. Both issues involved Keith and the Cub Scouts.

The Cub Scouts was a good thing for the boys, teaching them some responsibility and rituals. But Keith would come home and just take his uniform off and throw it on the floor. Sue would then pick it up and fold it neatly for the next week. I maintained that this was wrong and taught Keith nothing about taking care of his own stuff, which is an integral part of scouting. Sue vehemently disagreed and told me in no uncertain terms that I was to have no role in disciplining the boys. I was unwilling to accept this and so we went to the Scout Leader and ran it by him. I was judged right and Keith began to take some responsibility for his things.

The discipline issue was decided by Pastor Turley, who was able to make Sue realize that the boys were now “our” children to raise together. He cautioned us about not letting the kids run the show and conquer and divide us. As I said, he was a very wise man.

Next came the knife. This incident was a lesson for me. Keith had gotten his Cub Scout knife along with the rest of his troop. They had been cautioned about using them as tools and not weapons. I was really happy to be part of this as I remembered fondly getting my Cub Scout knife and oiling it and sharpening it. It was a big step in my childhood.

That weekend the troop went on an outing, with knives, to some State Park. We got a call early Sunday that there had been an incident with one of the boys and a knife and so Keith would be dropped off early. I was steaming mad, as Sue had not wanted Keith to have the knife in the first place. So really, I was the one in trouble.

I fumed for hours about what I should do when Keith got home. When he did arrive he was dropped off and Brent, the Troop Leader, did not come inside to explain what had happened. So I assumed that Keith was the guilty party. Accordingly, when he arrived home I challenged him to a knife fight in the backyard. Figured I would scare him and he would never misuse his knife again.

With Sue protesting I went out in the yard with my old Navy Buck knife and Keith with his Cub Scout blade. We were circling and I’m not sure who was more worried- me or him. But just then the phone rang and Sue came back out. I took the phone and it was Brent. He wanted to let me know that it was some other kid who had abused his knife privilege and that Keith was one of the most well behaved kids on the trip. With egg on my face I apologized to Keith, who by now had formed the opinion that I was nuts! I wish I could say that this was the last time I misjudged the boys, but that wouldn’t be quite true.

July 4th came and the wedding was for 4PM at the Church with a reception to follow at the Greenspring Valley Golf and Hunt Club. We were set up in a big tent on the edge of the golf course with food catered.

My best man, Seth Herman, along with Michael Held, were both on hand at the church to handle any problems associated with Ben, who lived around the corner, should he decide to make an appearance. I think the plan was to put him in the trunk of a car until Sue and I were gone, but nothing ever did happen.

4 PM came and Sue was late and I was worried and pissed off. She arrived 10 minutes later and I took my place at the Altar as she began the march down the aisle with Keith and Shane. I was overcome with the beauty of her walking towards me to spend our lives together.

Arriving at the Altar she turned to face me and we held hands. The Pastor blessed us and did the vows. I was crying the whole time. Whether it was from release that the last 2 years were behind us or because I would never know how our courtship would’ve gone without all the problems, I can’t really say. But I was very happy when Sue said I do and the Pastor pronounced us Man and Wife.

We went to the reception and it was really very nice. The weather was just perfect- not hot and no rain. We had about 80 people in all, including my Dad and his new wife Alice. My favorite Aunt Gloria and Uncle Bobby were there also. And they had bought along Nana, my Grandmother on my Dad's side. She was very happy and smiling. It was the last time I would ever see her and I am happy to remember her like that.

Most of the reception is a blur. I remember leaving and the boys were looking a bit apprehensive, wondering if we were ever going to come back for them. They were staying with their Grandma Marlene and her husband Grant. Sue and I were going to Mexico. Our plane didn’t leave until the following morning so we stayed at the hotel by the airport.

We got in the room and Sue went to change clothes- coming out of the bathroom ready to consummate our marriage. I was busy with the envelopes we had received as presents. Sue told me to put them down, “Don’t you want to see what’s under here?” she said, referring to the sexy outfit she had on. I looked at her and said, “I know what’s under there- I want to see what’s in the envelopes!”

Fixing me with a hard look in her eyes she said, “Put the envelopes down and consummate our marriage.” I did- but then went back to the envelopes…

The next morning we flew to Cancun, Mexico. At the time Cancun was new, having just been created on the Yucatan peninsula of Mexico as an economic way out of the devastation wrought by a bad hurricane a couple of years before that had virtually wasted their economy. Also the traditional tourist areas of Tijuana, Mexico City and Acapulco were plagued with crime. Cancun would be the new tourist destination. Surrounded by Inca ruins there was a lot to see and do.

Our first night was a misadventure. The hotel had us on the 7th floor with a beautiful view of the sea. But the room was sweaty- it was actually humid and there was moisture on the walls! We called the front desk and they said they would be right up. After an hour or so we called again. This time they said there was no one available to fix anything until the morning. We asked for a new room and were told there were none. We tried to stay in the room but it was really uncomfortable. Usually I would be a screaming maniac in order to get my due, but I didn’t want Sue thinking she had made a mistake in marrying me so I had to be calm.

By midnight we had finally agreed on a course of action. Taking our luggage we went down to the lobby and set up on the sofas. We even brought pillows down with us. The manager asked what we were doing. We told him we couldn’t move until the morning when our air conditioning was fixed. A room was found immediately on the 3rd floor. This was actually an improvement because we could seee the iquanas on the beach and began feeding them with the chocolate covered almonds from the snack bar in our room. At $6 a pack the iquanas were very appreciative and began hanging out beneath our windows.

The next day we began exploring, signing up for all the tours to the ruins. Sue wanted to see the Pyramids. We took a bus and headed off to see them. When we got there a little kid was selling ices and was really aggressive at it. I told him no about 10 times before he went away. Sue and I made the climb up and then back down. By this time we were sweating and thirsty. Spying the boy with the ices I went to get some. When he recognized me he said, “No ices for you Senor!” before huffily walking away. Kind of like the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld!

One day we went snorkeling and after we were through were resting at the edge of the lagoon. I saw a rowboat, abandoned and drifting towards the mouth of the lagoon. Having some sense of respect for small boats I dove in and did a power crawl type stroke to overtake the boat. I flopped into it and rowed back to shore thinking I had impressed my bride with my aquatic prowess. Sue went to use the ladies room and I went to the bar for a drink. That’s when all the exertion I had put forth hit me. I never even got to order. I passed out and slid to the floor! Sue attributes this to the ices I had eaten in a small village we passed through on the way. They were really good, but in retrospect they probably contributed to this whole ordeal.

Coming to after only a few seconds I tried to get some help but no one would pay any attention to me! I started to crawl out of the shack that was a bar on the edge of the jungle trail. I didn’t get very far before I had to stop and just lay there, sweating and heaving. The Mexicans that passed me pronounced me a “Gringo addicto,” a drug addict. The Americans who passed me by took me for a drunk Mexican. But no one would help me!

Sue was with the tour bus which was about to leave. She would not go without me and so they came back to find me. I think they were afraid of getting into trouble if they lost an American. I was carried back to the bus and the driver mixed Coca Cola with salt and made me drink it. Before long I was back to myself but I think I scared the hell out of Sue! The rest of our time was spent in the markets and shops buying souvenirs and gifts for the kids.

The time passed too quickly and we were home again. But it was a beautiful trip and made me realize how empty all my previous travels had been without someone special by my side. Now we were home and it was time to find a real job.

It's Only Me- Chapter 29- Family Life, A Baby and Jobs

With the honeymoon over it was time to find work. The first job that came up would lead me on to a 20 year career in Estimating. Sue saw an ad in a local paper for an Engineering Assistant. Applicant must be good at math etc. So I applied for, and got hired, as an Assistant to the Engineers at Gutshick, Little and Weber, an engineering firm located in Burtonsville, Md. I would check the calculations done by the Surveyors. From there I went into the field with the Surveying crews to compute the data as we recorded it. Most of the calculations were the same as taking star fixes for Lines of Position. It was at this job that I learned how to estimate Earthwork. It was the closest thing to Navigating as far as blending art with science. We even proved our position with a moon line and a shot of Polaris using a transit.

Sue and I spent the weekends taking the boys places and just getting used to being a family. I was a bit depressed around this time. I had stopped smoking pot and it was driving me nuts! With the added burden of the kids and another on the way I was doing all I could to hang on.

We had the boys in Little League, Cub Scouts and anything else that came along. So it was rush out in the morning, work, rush home and ferry the boys around, get home, do homework and then take care of ourselves. And it was getting harder not to notice that Sue was expecting.

In November we went to New York City. I wanted to show the boys where I grew up. We stayed at my Dad's place on Avenue R. He was living with Alice by this time and waiting for his lease to expire. It was cold and we did a bit of sight seeing. We went to Chinatown and the Staue of Liberty.

This was the 100th Anniversary of the Statue and so it was a long line just to get on the boat. A far cry from when I was a kid and there was never a line. Sue was frozen and so were the boys as we took the ferry to the Statue. We got to walk around and wait on line but never got in the Statue. They kept the boats coming even up until the last minute and then they told everyone it was time to close! We were disappointed but seeing the Statue up close was pretty good for the kids.

Chinatown was its' usual magic with sights and smells that were foreign to the boys. I really enjoyed having them see the places I used to go. This would be the last trip we would ever take as a foursome.

Christmas came and went. It was magical to be with Sue and the boys for the first time without the spectre of Ben hanging over me. It was the first Christmas I was there full time, all day and night like a real family should be. It was also the last Christmas we would celebrate the holidays without Sarah. We didn't have alot of time to bond before Sarah would be born.

In January we had a couple of feet of snow and Sue's car couldn't make it home from work. She got about a mile from the house and had to walk the rest of the way. She was 8 months pregnant at this point. To make matters worse, I was coming home in the same storm and my clutch was being destroyed by the trip. Somehow I made it all the way to our street before the clutch gave out at the bottom of the hill.

Also in January I went to New York alone and picked up a bunch of my parents furniture. My Dad let his lease expire and my 25 year connection to 1310 Avenue R was now at an end. I rented a van and drove the stuff back to Maryland in the snow. Our tiny house was chock full of furniture. Even the basement was full.

About 2 weeks later Sue ate some frozen seafood and got food poisoining. We rushed to the hospital and worried the whole time about losing the baby. We did not know if it was a boy or girl. We wanted to be surprised but we were hoping for a girl.

In January we purchased a home about 20 miles NW of Baltimore in Hampstead. We would not be moving in until June. It was twice the size of the Cape Cod we were in and had a huge backyard that stretched all the way to a corn field and a stream. We were going to be living in the sticks.

On February 13th, a Friday no less, I was shopping for groceries when I got paged in the supermarket. This was before cell phones. The manager said something over the PA that sounded like my name but I ignored it. Then I heard it again and went to see the manager. She looked at me and said- "Your wife is having a baby. You need to go home." I said okay and then started to put the groceries back on the shelf. The manager was freaking out! She said- "Leave that alone- you need to go home NOW!"

I ran out to the car and drove home. Picking up Sue and getting ready to leave for the hospital I told the boys that their Grandpa (Sue's Dad) was on his way over to get them. We were going to the hospital to have the baby. They were watching "Dukes of Hazard" and since we had been saying this to them everytime we went out they just ignored us.

We got to the hospital at about 8 PM. Sue's water had broken but she would not have a baby on Friday the 13th. Besides this was February and she wanted a Valentine baby. So we just hung out,with the midwife doing what she could to make Sue a little more comfortable.

Just after midnight the baby started to come. The midwife got her crowned and then went to wake up the Doctor. The guy comes in for about 5 minutes, guides the baby out, places it on Sue's stomach and hands me a pair of surgical shears and says, "Here dad,cut the cord." I did, but wondered why we were paying him! The midwife did it all! It was 12:51 AM on February 14th, 1987 and I was now a Father. We named her Sarah Ruth Williams, with the Ruth being a tribute to my Mom.

I stayed until about 4 AM and then headed home. I was sleeping at the wheel and woke just in time to avoid hitting the retaining wall on US 29. I crawled into bed and slept, well, like a baby.

I was overjoyed with the baby and thought she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. It was hard not to get up and feed her when she woke at night. I liked rocking in the chair with her. But she didn't sleep through nights for 5 years. It ended up with her tonsils coming out. They had been causing her sleep apnea, not to mention the advanced aging on me and Sue!

I was still angry and depressed but I was active in every part of raising the kids. From diaper changing and midnight feedings with Sarah, to Scout outings and homework with the boys I was there. I don't know how good I was at it- but I did my best.

As far as smoking went I decided to go with the "do as I say" rather than "do as I do" philosophy. I was open and up front with them that if you did smoke it meant a bit less money for the extra things that make life worthwhile. And the guilt of using that money gnawed at me for years.

Early on Sue and I had it out when she came to a Little League game and smelled the smoke on me. I had foolishly promised to not smoke anymore and was sneaking a smoke every few months. I was clearly unhinged going from 90 MPH to smoking a hit every few weeks. Sue confronted me and asked if I was really willing to leave my family over drugs. I answered , cunningly, that I was not choosing to leave anyone over drugs- after all I wasn't asking her to do drugs, so why should she ask me not to? I must have made sense because it was never an issue again.

After about a year at Gutschick, Little and Weber I went to work as an assistant estimator for Jack Gaither at Anthem Corporation in Baltimore. He was a wild and crazy guy about 14 years older than me. He had a brillant mind and was a real literature buff. We got along great and he taught me so much about estimating earthwork.

I would go out and look at the proposed sites- sometimes I would take extra time exploring the area and learning the history. He was never angry about it- instead he would stop and we would talk about the stories and lore concerning wherever I had been that day. But he had another side, too.

He drank and played the horses. He bought me and Mel, his Vice President, new vehicles and then went out of business leaving us owing months of payments on the cars. Added to that was the fact we had run up high mileage in a short time, making the vehicles worth less than we owed.

I drove mine to New York. I ditched it in Brooklyn, setting it on fire. I took the subway to Manhattan and and reported it stolen on the West Side before I took the Amtrak back to Baltimore.

By this time we were living in Hampstead and Sarah was 2-1/2 years old. Being a Dad was a real challenge for me and even now I tend to dwell on the negative stuff rather than the positive. But she was a joy in so many other ways, too. Like the night I was showing her the full moon and hoping for her to say "moon." She just pointed and said, "Ball."

I was trying not to make the same mistakes as my parents did- pitting one child against the other, etc. But I wasn't always sucessful at holding my temper in check. Before getting married I was pretty easy going and adaptable. Now I was locked into a rigid set of scheduling and trying to obsessively keep one step ahead. I was driving myself nuts! But sometimes I did show great wisdom, in spite of myself.

One day Keith and Shane came home with their freind Lonnie. They were singing a song by The Beastie Boys with lyrics that went something like, "do it with her once, do it in her back, do it with your mother with a baseball bat..." I was shocked and my instinct was to kick some ass and break all Beastie Boys tapes open and scatter them to the wind. This is what my father would have done. Instead I sat them down and asked them what the lyrics meant. They were reluctant to speak so I explained that the song was about sexual assault including fucking their mother with a baseball bat. With their Mom looking on I asked them if that was something they should be singing about. I also told them that I did not believe in censorship but I did believe in knowing what you are talking about. I never heard any of that crap again.

My next job was at a general Contrators, NSC, Inc. located in Woodlawn. I was an Assistant to the Estmator who was a Hindu. His name was Prakash and was a great guy. We had to go to the red light area of Baltimore one day for a pre-bid conference. He had never been in a strip joint before but wanted to see one. So we walked in with him ahead of me. Right inside the doorway was a girl in baby doll pajamas- completely see through. Crooking her finger at him she said, "Come here Indian Boy..." With that Prakash did an about face in mid air and knocked me down getting out. I didn't stop laughing for days.

At this job I was approached by one of the most fascinating people I have ever met. George Edwards of Anne Arundel Excavating had noticed me at NSC. He asked them if he could hire me away. Since he worked for them on a sub contract basis he didn't want to make them angry. But they were very nice about it and released me to him. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

George was from Huntersville, N.C. a place that I would move to years later. He had a 6th grade education and was the smartest man I ever met.

George was married to a woman named Anne and they had 2 children. The son, George Jr worked for his dad and was a great guy but a real pain in the ass. He had never worked anywhere else but for his Dad. He had gone to college for 4 years at his parents expense and came home with no degree and owing a pile of money. This drove George, Sr. nuts!

About 6 months after working there I needed a spinal fusion between cervical joints 4 and 5. I had been getting crippling headaches that drove me to tears. The recovery time would be 10 weeks long. George Sr., was an arch Conservative when it came to welfare, sick pay etc. and so I knew I was going to get hurt money wise with this surgery. I just wanted to know that my job would be there in 10 weeks when I returned. Although George told me not to worry, I did.

I have to tell you that every week for 10 weeks I got a check, either hand deliverd or mailed, for my full salary and another check for expenses. I called George and asked, "Why am I getting an expense check?" His answer is still fresh in my ears, "Well, you're home all day every day now- you got extra expenses. Like movie rental, the heats on higher all day. Just cash the damn checks."

George and I remained friends even after he closed up due to a tax problem in 1990 or so. But even then he remained in business under the table. I used to cash checks for him at an out of the way "connected" little place in Baltimore. They were set up like a convenience store but there was nothing in there to buy except soda in cans. The rest of the place was walled off by plexiglass and a guy stood behind the glass and took your check and gave you back 96% with no questions asked.

I was cashing checks for people all over- I would sign the backs with their name or business and then add DBA and my name with no Social Security Number. As long as the check cleared no one was in trouble. And these were guys that could make some trouble! I was getting a 2% discount so these transactions really added up. Most of that money went for smoke with an ocassional $100 going home.

Eventually George quit drinking and smoking cigarettes, all at once. But it was too late. His wife left him after he threw the Thanksgiving turkey out into the middle of Benfield Blvd. during a Thanksgiving dinner. He quickly followed that on Christmas by tossing the tree out the front door like a spear. After that Anne left him for good. That's when he stopped drinking, but as I said it was too late.

George kept working under the radar until his death in 1999. I was one of the few people who knew where we had sold his equipment,or hidden it. He had $100,000 in cash under the mattress at the time of his death. His kids didn't want to pay to bury him. They had him cremated and threw his ashes out the car window in Arizona somewhere. Maybe they knew something I didn't, and maybe they were justified in their anger at him, but me, I just miss the guy. I really loved him and he felt the same towards me, too. I only wish I had a photo of him....

The funniest thing was when I got ready to leave Baltimore I went to see him and told him I was moving to Huntersville, North Carolina. He seemed shocked and told me, "I was born in Paws Creek about 10 miles away. Have kin there. When I was 17 I hit a boy on a bicycle with my car and killed him. I was drunk for 35 years after that." Sometimes the world feels so small....

After George went out of business I took a job at another Construction Company as Estimator of Earthwork, Utilities and Paving. This was only 3 miles from home in Hampstead. The 2 bosses were jocks and avid hunters. They were completeley baffled by me, and I by them.

I always arrived at 7:35 AM instead of 7:30. One day I was called into the office and told that there were dozens of people waiting to fill my slot. If I hoped to keep it I neeeded to be there at 7:30 AM sharp.

The next morning I came in at 8 AM. Kenny called me into his office, incredulous that I was so late. "We just had that talk yesterday, why are you so late today?" With a straight face I answered, " Well Kenny, I had to fight my way through that mob of Estimators waiting for my job!"

At home we were all enjoying Sarah and her first winter. The snow was something she loved! And so we built snowmen and had our first Christmas as a family of 5. But depression and anger still lurked beneath the surface. Many times when I look back at some of the photos I dwell on the internal struggles that were going on within me and without me. It was going to be a long road but I never doubted that we would make it.

It's Only Me- Chapter 30- Rick Stines, the Accident and Gun Charge

If my story seems short on “family life” type stuff it is only because I consider myself to be one of the most inept and ill equipped parents to have ever walked the earth. I was making all the same mistakes as my dad, yelling and flying off for seemingly little reason. Don’t get me wrong- there were times when I was justifiably angry- but just as often I was simply overwhelmed.

That said, my work life was going well as I went from job to job, always for more money and responsibility. I was learning a tremendous amount about how things are planned and built. I was also learning about Construction Law, which would come in handy later on for a variety of reasons.

By 1992 I was working for Rick Stine and Sons outside of Frederick, Maryland. He had set up some trailers in the woods behind his home in Woodsboro. I did my estimating there. It was a great place to work and the Frederick area was also a great place to explore with Sarah and Sue on the weekends. We went to the Zoo and fed the animals, walked through the woods and looked at the streams. For all the problems I had dealing with being a father there were still some nice times.

For the first time ever I had an assistant to do some of the hand grids for taking off the earth quantities. His name was Russ Robertson and he was about 22. We would roam around looking at job sites and sometimes just mess around exploring the mountains and streams around Woodsboro. Sometimes we would drive to Baltimore and go to the Zoo. I even took him to Pigtown to see the hookers and outdoor drug markets. He had never been to Baltimore and was wide eyed at it all.

Around this time 2 memorable events happened. The first was the time I shot Richie Jrs. pickup truck right through the radiator. He was a typical owners kid- spoiled and troublesome. We had several "Port a Johns" scattered about the property and he would tip them or hit them with his truck when they were being used. Several guys got seriously “dirtied up” from his fooling around. I had warned him not to mess with me in that regard or there would be repercussions. I guess he didn’t hear me.

I was using the "Port a John" one day when he hit it with his pickup. It didn’t turn over- just splashed some and got me a little wet. Charging out I looked around but he was nowhere in sight. But his truck was. Reaching for my pistol (a .380) I took aim at the grill and let fly, emptying the clip into his radiator and hood.

Richie came out of the woods and went screaming down the path to his house. Several minutes later his Mom came to the trailer and started to yell at me. I stopped her and told her that I had warned the boy and that the next time I would shoot Richie rather than the truck. She fled back to the house.

About 20 minutes later Rick,Sr came in and started to give me hell. I stopped him and explained that he was lucky it was me and not someone else delivering this lesson to his son. The next person just might kill the boy. Nothing further was said.

Another episode that sticks out from this period is my accident in the Catoctin Mountains outside of Camp David, Maryland. This was in the summer of 1994. The road there is one lane in either direction and I took a curve too wide coming face to face with a fully loaded 20 ton dump truck. I remember thinking, “Oh, shit!” Then there was a shattering of glass and a twisting of metal. The sky was turning around and around as my truck , an S-10, reacted to the collision by doing several 360 degree spins. When everything stopped there was a deathly silence.

I was passing in and out of consciousness and at one point a sheet was placed over my face. I came to with my arms flailing and yelling, “I’m not dead- I’m not dead!” The sheet was lifted and a soothing voice informed me that the sheet was to protect my face while they removed the windshield. I was pinned by the steering wheel and my right leg was impaled by some sort of rod.

At one point when I was conscious I asked Trooper Updergraff to take charge of my pistol, which was under the front seat. I did not want it to fall into the wrong hands. It was registered in my name. I recall seeing the Firemen and Troopers playing with it before I passed out again.

Using the Jaws of Life and saws it took an hour and a half to remove me from the wreck. The mountain was closed in both directions. Being outside of Camp David had its’ advantages. I had 3 helicopters trying to claim the jurisdiction to fly me out to Hagerstown. The Marines from Camp David claimed me, as did the National Guard, but in the end the Maryland State Troopers won and took me to the hospital in Hagerstown.

Sue was summoned and raced the 60 miles to the hospital. She was pulled over for speeding on the way, but after explaining the situation the Trooper let her go.

When Sue got to the hospital I had already been scanned from head to toe. I had several broken ribs and a puncture wound to my right leg. They told me the puncture wound was not serious. I disagreed and after several hours I realized that staying there was going to be a problem. They refused to debride the puncture wound!

I told Sue to grab a wheelchair- we were going home. The doctors and nurses were furious and had lots of papers for me to sign about leaving against medical advice. I signed them all as Sue wheeled me out.

The next day I went to see Doctor Shaffer, my personal Physician. He agreed about the puncture wound and debrided it. You could hear my screams way out in the waiting area.

On Sunday I woke up and the wound was bad- it was going toward gangrene. I called Dr. Shaffer and he came to the house after church. He arrived without his bag and had to debride the wound again using a knife from my kitchen, which we sterilized with boiling water and alcohol. All in all I was lucky to be alive and was back on my feet in a week or so.

Now, back to the gun. It was approaching 16 weeks after the accident, which happened in August, when I began to try and retrieve my pistol. This was not easy. Apparently my weapon had disappeared. In addition there was no record of it having been turned over to Trooper Updergraff or its' being received at the Property Clerks Office. This was going to be tricky.

On the one hand I did not want the weapon floating around and turning up after use in a crime. On the other hand I did not want to engage in a battle of wits with the State Police. But my real fear was that the pistol was going to be used as a “drop” gun by a police officer. A “drop” gun is a stolen or unregistered weapon that is “dropped” at the scene by an officer after a shooting. This gives the officer a cover story if the shooting was not “clean.” I could also picture myself being charged at some later date with a homicide if the weapon had been sold and was on the street. In short, if I could not recover the weapon I wanted a receipt.

I was informed by the State Prosecutors Office that receipts were not issued for lost property. I reiterated my position to no avail. I called Trooper Updergraff and explained my concerns. He threatened me with arrest and incarceration pending trial. This is when I started thinking... and so, accordingly, I went to the library.

Looking up the State Statutes on Weapons Charges I found one that I could live with and which would also serve as a receipt for the pistol. I called Trooper Updergraff and had him meet me in the woods behind Rick Stines. I demanded to be cited for “carrying a handgun in a vehicle against the Peace and Dignity of the State.” It was like a traffic ticket and though it carried a penalty of 1 year and a $1,000 fine it was never enforced. Trooper Upergraff was not pleased and so he gave me a ticket for crossing the centerline as well as the weapons citation. Court was scheduled for Januray.

I arrived at Court early and, as usual, without counsel. The Prosecutor and Trooper Updergraff were waiting for me and we arrived at an agreement. I would plead guilty, pay a small fine and serve no time. I would also formally forfeit the weapon to the State, but this was not to infringe upon my right to Possess Arms in the future. It was a misdemeanor. I would also agree to not ask the State to produce the physical evidence. With supreme confidence we entered the Courtroom.

The Judge was in a foul mood and gave me 30 days! This was after he bullied me about not having a lawyer. We were clearly not getting along! Trooper Updergraff and the Prosecutor both approached the Judge and then summoned me to join them. It was agreed by all that the 30 days would be suspended and I would pay a $300 fine. I would also do 18 months Unsupervised Probation. I would also agree to forfeiture of the weapon without future infringements upon my rights to purchase firearms. This was acceptable to all parties and the case was closed. I now had my defacto receipt. This deal would never have been accomplished had I used Counsel.

The following spring Rick Stine entered into negotiations with Albert Williams of Williams Construction, at that time the biggest road contractor in the state. He was of no relation to me.

Essentially, Rick Stine had incurred a lot of debt and wanted to partner with Williams so he would in essence be sharing this debt. But Williams Construction wasn't in the best of shape either. So what you really had was two pricks trying to screw one another. This was going to be very interesting...