"A TSA Christmas" by Robert Williams with Apologies to Clement C. Moore

'Twas the day before Christmas, when Santa’s sleigh
Got pulled over and grounded by the TSA.
They made such a noise, and raised such a clatter,
Santa got out, and said, "What's the matter?"

That's when they cuffed him, and roughed him up too,
And the ways that they touched him, some places turned blue!
Now, the sleigh was loaded (and Santa as well,)
But when they asked, “Where ya' going?”, he told them his tale.

“I’m going to houses, loaded with toys,
To spread Christmas Cheer to all girls and boys."
The TSA man then said with a smile,
“You may think that you’re going, but you’ll be awhile,

You see all these gifts- so neatly packed?
Without your elves here- you’ll have to unwrap
each little package, and each little toy,
Or there won’t be a Christmas for girls, or for boys.

Got Mrs. Claus with you? We really don't care,
We'll strip her down to her long underwear.
And if that doesn't irk her, we'll go with Plan 2,
We'll make her get rid of the underwear, too!

You see, we'll do all that we must, and all that we can
To kick Christmas season right in the can,
We’ll make you late, and angry and mad,
But don’t say a word, cause we can be bad.

We’ll take all the toys, the dolls and the guns,
And won’t give them back, not even a one.
See, if killing St. Nick will keep us all free,
Then we’ll do what we must to preserve liberty.

So, while doing our best to keep all things right,
We’ll mess up your Christmas, and then say Goodnight.
And when we’re finished, with our new scanner toys,
We’ll sell the best pictures to Hugh at Playboy.”

The Boy Who Fell From the Sky - A True Story of the TSA

Last month a 17 year old boy fell from the sky in Boston. This was a very unusual incident, as young men do not ordinarily fall from the skies. But fall he did, onto a street in a suburb of Boston, Mass., where people became rightfully indignent about where the boy had come from. After all, in this day of plunging real estate values, one must be sure to protect the neighborhood from incidents such as these, which only serve to further depress home values in the area. And so, an investigation was launched.

The boy in question was from Charlotte, North Carolina. Apparently he had stowed away in the wheel well of a jet, which would be going to Boston. His body was found along the flight path leading to the airport, lending credence to the theory of his having stowed away. He had been attending high school here in Charlotte, where the school system is under funded and teachers are being laid off, even while new schools are being built. So nobody told this young man that it’s minus 20 degrees at 30,000 feet. But this is not the point of the story.

While this young man was busy climbing a fence, dodging the perimeter patrols which surround the airport, and then stowing away in the wheel well of a jet, thousands of people inside the terminal at Charlotte Douglas International Airport were busy disrobing and emptying their pockets for our collective "safety." Am I the only one upset by this?

The illusion of security will not stop a single determined suicide bomber or terrorist. Terrorists are not stupid, just misguided in their beliefs. So, if a 17 year old high school student can figure out how to elude the external security of the airport, reaching all the way to the airplane itself, how hard will it be for a trained and determined terrorist?

I called the Airport a few weeks back to ask how this happened. TSA said the external security is not part of their mission. The Airport is responsible for that. The Airport Security Office would not comment, beyond stating that it was the responsibility of the local Police. The local Police deny this. They state, rightfully so, that the security of the airport is the responsibility of the airport.

It’s sad that this young man had to fall to his death for some unknown reason. But his fall should serve as a notice to all that you are not one iota safer today than you were before 9/11.

Amerika - 2010

Rooftop Reviews (me) makes all attempts to stay out of the political arena whenever possible. But the events of these last few weeks have compelled me to break my silence in this regard.

It is said that a picture speaks a thousand words, and so I will let this photograph do the talking for me. I will, however, add that I never thought I would live to see the day that old men, women and children would be systematically lined up and striped, not merely of their clothing, but of their dignity as well.