Father's Day

This is a photo of me from 1987, the year I became a father. I already had 2 stepsons, but the haunted, frightened look on my face is that of a newly minted Dad. Sarah had been born that winter and I hadn’t slept since she came home.

It’s Father’s day; again. Being a father did not come “naturally” to me. I was as ill-suited for the role as my own parents were. The only difference is that I have always been willing to admit it. The daily grind of being a parent is probably only exceeded by the daily grind of being a kid.

Now, as a kid you have less money than your folks, and more time on your hands. But, for the parents it’s just the opposite; they may have more money than the kids, but it doesn’t go very far because they have kids. And as far as time goes, forget about it. It will be at least 18 years from the birth of your first child until you will have any real spare time again. And, by then you will be too old to do stuff anyway.

However, as I look at my kids today; and the grandkids; I’m glad to have made the journey and come through fairly intact. I even feel a real sense of satisfaction. The future is assured.

Thanks Keith, Shane and Sarah. I'm proud to be your father.

Father's Day Loot!

Today is Father’s day so I get presents, phone calls and a day off. I’m sitting next to the banana tree Sue brought me, holding the chocolates and Olive Soap and Black Tea which I love so much. The soap and tea are from Sarah, the chocolates from Sue, and this picture was taken yesterday!

The best part, aside from eating at one of our favorite restaurants, will be the phone calls from the boys and our granddaughters. Last week, Aliyah, our oldest granddaughter; she’s nine; called us out of the blue just to say hi. Man, it doesn't get better than that.

Happy Father’s Day to all of the Dad’s out there. We did well!

Father's Day

This beautiful cactus was given to me by my daughter Sarah for Father’s day. It bloomed just in time. And it will keep on doing that for years to come. She was moving this weekend; the first time that she has lived in a different city than Sue and I; and so I will not see her until next weekend. Our other two sons, Keith and Shane, live in New York and Texas; respectively; and though we have gotten used to that, we miss seeing more of our grandkids.

The cactus is an important link between Sarah and I. She was vacationing with friends, years ago, as a kid, on the Outer Banks, where she dug some sand cactus up to bring home to me. Nobody, not even I, thought that it would survive the winter weather inland. Well, it did, and has split into a couple of groups, traveling from house to house with Sue and I over the years. Each year, around this time, they too, give me beautiful blooms. It makes me think about the doubters out there, myself included, who didn’t think the plant would survive.

Another, very special gift is the Red Robin Beanie Babie pictured below, nestled with the other 2 gifts. That was a present I gave Sarah when she was sick about 14 years ago. She had scores of them, most of which are housed in my garage. She only took a few when she married and moved out. But, she took the Robin, which always made me feel extra special.  Now that she will be living so far away (a bit more than 2 hours – or, the other end of the earth) she has returned it to me, and I will keep it close at hand as a way of feeling close to her.

Being a father is tough, but being my kid was probably tougher in many ways. It’s hard to grow up, and it’s hard to grow old. There’s no winning the war against time. It merely marches on past us, leaving us in its wake. No matter; I will always have this Robin to remind me of the daughter who learned to fly. And that  trumps any sense of loss I will ever feel.

Father's Day

This is a photo of me catching some sleep immediately after Sarah was born. It would be the most sleep that I would have for the next five years, as Sue and I struggled against Sarah's sleep apnea and all kinds of stuff related to raising a child. It comes with the territory. And though I wasn't always wise, and there were times in which I could have done better, I was always there. No one is ever really prepared for fatherhood. It isn't exactly thrust upon us, but suddenly you find yourself in it. And you do the best you can to balance yourself on the highwire of being a parent without falling off. And if you do fall, you have to get up, over and over again. It's just part of the territory.

Of course, being a step parent was equally, if not more perplexing. The rules with Keith and Shane (shown here in Chinatown, New York City, where I was trying to sell them in 1986) were even murkier and the lines mostly undrawn, but somehow we got through it okay. The jury may still be out on whose version of my parenting skills is more accurate, mine or theirs, but history will have to be the judge there. Currently though,I offer in my own defense, that they are both self supporting, live away from home and have given me the most beautiful grandchildren. All girls, but that's okay. It's the kind of crap shoot in which you just can't lose.

So if you get lucky and you do it right, or even a little bit right, you get to see them grow up and make you proud. This is, naturally, one of my favorite photos of Sarah. Her smile is so radiant and her eyes are alive with promise. So here's to me, Happy Father's Day! Being a father was the hardest, yet most rewarding thing I have ever done. With all thanks due to Sue, of course, and the kids, too.