Name the States

I read the news today; oh boy; and it said that half of college students couldn't name the states or place them in the right location on a blank map of the US. I wasn’t surprised and decided to show off my superior skills at geography. I have; after all; been around the world a few times, so this should be a snap. Wrong.

The best way to take this test is not the way I did; which was to fill in the blanks. You’d be better served if you listed the states in alphabetical order first; and counted them to make sure you didn’t miss one or two; then match the names to the locations on the map. I wish I had.

Check this out and see how you do. I did better than the college crowd; scoring a whopping 78% or so. I got 11 wrong! I’m embarrassed; I’m ashamed. I wish I’d made that list first.

"Rot, Riot and Rebellion" by Rex Bowman and Carlos Santos (2013)

When Thomas Jefferson first stated that “the tree of Liberty needs watered from time to time with the blood of tyrants” I don’t think he ever envisioned himself in the role of the Tyrant. But that is exactly what happened when he was forced to confront the students at his dream, the University of Virginia in 1825, just one year before his death.

Discipline at the school was non-existent; the idea being that young gentlemen could be trusted to act upon their honor. And act they did. These sons of southern aristocratic plantation owners had such thin skins; and thickly inflated senses of honor; that they were in a perpetual state of dueling with one another, and even there professors.

Such was the situation that Jefferson, only one year prior to his death in 1826, was forced on occasion, to make the 8 mile journey from his home at Monticello, to the University in order to quell the problems there. On one such occasion he was struck speechless and broke into tears. It was hard for him to see his dream school begin its life in a state of disgrace. To make matters worse, one of the leaders of the student rebellion was his own grand-nephew.

The story behind that day and how it came to be in the first place; is the subject of this wonderful little book by Messrs. Bowman and Santos as they explore the beginnings of Jefferson’s dream of higher education in what is considered to be America’s first public University.

From its first conception by Jefferson as the first public university in America the whole idea was plagued with problems and disagreements about how, and who, should fund it. The authors give a very accurate accounting of all the machinations which went into the project.

But by far the most enjoyable portion of the book is the story of its first few decades of students. They flogged their professors, misused their servants, drank to excess, gambled profanely, and otherwise did their best to squander their own futures as well as Mr. Jefferson’s dream.

The story of how the student body was finally tamed, and how the school became the model of Mr. Jefferson’s original vision make this book a very worthy chronicle of the history of higher education in America. And, through the antics of some its earliest alumni; including Edgar Allan Poe; it is also just plain fun to read it, and realize that, with the exception of the students having servants, not much has changed in regards to student life in the almost two centuries since Jefferson’s experiment first came into being.

"Public Apology" by David Bry (2013)

This may be one of the most unusual books I have ever read. Based, as it is, on the premise that we all go through life offending other people, sometimes without knowing it, the author takes the reader on a tour de force of all the misgivings he has stored up in his life. The subtitle of the book is “In Which a Man Grapples with a Lifetime of Regret, One Incident at a Time.”

And that’s a fairly accurate description of this sometimes hilarious, and other times revealing look at not only the authors most embarrassing moments, but also a reminder to us all of the times we have done, or said, stupid things which we wish we could take back.

Beginning with Junior High School, which is where most of us begin to experience these awkward moments, and on through early adulthood, Mr. Bry has a fascinating array of embarrassing moments to draw upon for your entertainment.

Ranging from unintended insults to missed romantic opportunities, and even encompassing some public mooning on a cable car in California, Mr. Bry attempts to apologize to everyone he may have offended; or embarrassed; in his lifetime. Some are named outright, as are the stories of misadventure during his junior high school years, which is where we all make many of our most foolish, but sometimes funny, social faux pas.

From those awkward moments at age 12 come more embarrassing and humorous tales of life in high school; or, as the author puts it; “…when being drunk becomes the excuse for everything, even though it is never a legitimate excuse for anything.” These moments encompass sports, music, girlfriends and alcohol.

The next section is all about Mr. Bry’s adventures in college, which he refers to as “…the six longest years of my life.” During this period he apologizes to roommates, professors, and even his own father who died on an airplane after a family trip.

From school to family and friends, and then on into his adult life, Mr. Bry has been laboring under the weight of a chain of guilt which rivals those heavy links carried by Charles Dickens woeful character Jacob Marley. If you feel at all guilty about anything foolish which you have done in your life, then this is the book for you. If nothing else, reading about the author’s experiences in this regard will make it easier for you to forgive your own. 

"A Concert for Hotspur" - December 3rd

Lacey “Hotspur” Long; a close friend of my daughter Sarah for several years; passed away a few weeks ago. Her friends have gotten together and planned a concert in her memory at Winthrop University in Rock Hill, where most of them first met. Although they all graduated and many moved on to different schools, they managed to stay in touch and even socialize together; friends for life.

It is always a tragedy when someone passes away. The world is diminished by each death, for we all have something to offer. Although I only met Lacey a few times, I was instantly struck by her vibrant personality and interest in almost all things. She was a very rare individual; one of those people you feel as if you have known forever; even if you have only met them once.  

There is an old English rhyme which was used on the cover of a Rolling Stones album that was intended as a tribute to Brian Jones. I have a feeling that Lacey would have been very comfortable with it as an epitaph of sorts;

"When this you see, remember me,

and bear me in your mind.
Let all the world say what they may,
speak of me as you find."

RIP Lacey

Marina Keegan - A Light in the Darkness

KEEGAN: The Opposite of Loneliness

Marina Keegan '12. Photo by Facebook.
                       

The piece below was written by Marina Keegan '12 for a special edition of the News distributed at the class of 2012's commencement exercises last week. Keegan died in a car accident on Saturday. She was 22.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life. What I’m grateful and thankful to have found at Yale, and what I’m scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow and leave this place.

It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.

Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers — partner-less, tired, awake. We won’t have those next year. We won’t live on the same block as all our friends. We won’t have a bunch of group-texts.

This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse – I’m scared of losing this web we’re in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now.

But let us get one thing straight: the best years of our lives are not behind us. They’re part of us and they are set for repetition as we grow up and move to New York and away from New York and wish we did or didn’t live in New York. I plan on having parties when I’m 30. I plan on having fun when I’m old. Any notion of THE BEST years comes from clichéd “should haves...” “if I’d...” “wish I’d...”

Of course, there are things we wished we did: our readings, that boy across the hall. We’re our own hardest critics and it’s easy to let ourselves down. Sleeping too late. Procrastinating. Cutting corners. More than once I’ve looked back on my High School self and thought: how did I do that? How did I work so hard? Our private insecurities follow us and will always follow us.

But the thing is, we’re all like that. Nobody wakes up when they want to. Nobody did all of their reading (except maybe the crazy people who win the prizes…) We have these impossibly high standards and we’ll probably never live up to our perfect fantasies of our future selves. But I feel like that’s okay.

We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it’s too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement.

When we came to Yale, there was this sense of possibility. This immense and indefinable potential energy – and it’s easy to feel like that’s slipped away. We never had to choose and suddenly we’ve had to. Some of us have focused ourselves. Some of us know exactly what we want and are on the path to get it; already going to med school, working at the perfect NGO, doing research. To you I say both congratulations and you suck.

For most of us, however, we’re somewhat lost in this sea of liberal arts. Not quite sure what road we’re on and whether we should have taken it. If only I had majored in biology…if only I’d gotten involved in journalism as a freshman…if only I’d thought to apply for this or for that…

What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re graduating college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.

In the heart of a winter Friday night my freshman year, I was dazed and confused when I got a call from my friends to meet them at EST EST EST. Dazedly and confusedly, I began trudging to SSS, probably the point on campus farthest away. Remarkably, it wasn’t until I arrived at the door that I questioned how and why exactly my friends were partying in Yale’s administrative building. Of course, they weren’t. But it was cold and my ID somehow worked so I went inside SSS to pull out my phone. It was quiet, the old wood creaking and the snow barely visible outside the stained glass. And I sat down. And I looked up. At this giant room I was in. At this place where thousands of people had sat before me. And alone, at night, in the middle of a New Haven storm, I felt so remarkably, unbelievably safe.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I’d say that’s how I feel at Yale. How I feel right now. Here. With all of you. In love, impressed, humbled, scared. And we don’t have to lose that.

We’re in this together, 2012. Let’s make something happen to this world.

Rooftop: I generally remain comfortably ensconed about 2 days behind on almost everything these days. But this is one item which I missed, and if you haven't seen or read it yet, I really wanted to share with you. Rather than preface it with any comment, I chose to simply cut and paste it right from the Facebook posting. In it, I believe, are the hopes and dreams of  the entire world. I hope that everyone will read them somewhere, and then try to live them. RIP Marina Keegan, and thank you for the wonderful piece of yourself which you have left behind. Most people live a lifetime without leaving anything at all....

Two Degrees - One Night

Sarah Ruth Hoffman received her hard earned Master's Degree in Human Nutrition last evening. The ceremony took place at Winthrop University in South Carolina, where Sarah has been studying for over 5 years. Both Sue and I are very proud of her, and her brother Shane, as well, who also received his degree in Applied Physics this evening in Texas. So, it was kind of like when the kids were in Little League in 2 different counties. Sue and I would pass one another when we got home from work and then go separate ways to separate games.

These two degrees made me think of that part in "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn", when Katie realizes that her children will go further than she has. It's a milestone moment when you realize that your children are now better educated than yourself.

Sue and I had to do a little bit of "family planning", so to speak, to pull it off. Sue got to go to Texas and be with Shane for his graduation, as well as see the grandkids, while I got to stay home and be here for Sarah's ceremony. It was a pretty good night either way, and we are tremendously proud of both the kids for going the "distance."

On the way home I compared my own life, as well as Sue's, at their ages, 24 and 34, respectively. It would appear that they now have more options than Sue and I did at those same times in our lives. And that's a good thing, as it means they are moving in the right direction. Sometimes you get to live your own dreams through the accomplishments of your children. Thanks, Sarah and Shane, for making our dreams a reality.